Page 60 of The Other Side of Wild
“I would have never guessed. But wow, this is amazing.”
Closing the distance between us, I wrap my arms around his waist. Placing my chin right on his sternum so I can look him in the eyes when I say what I need to. “Thank you for everything you’ve done this past week. I’ve felt like a princess all week; you didn’t have to do that. But I appreciate it more than you know. I missed you.” His smile is slow, but it’s the kick that knocks down the last bit of my defenses.
“I did have to because you deserve the world, Hannah. And you’re right, I hadn’t done what I said I’d do.” He takes a deep breath as his eyes trace over my face. “I have a bit to make up for. I need you to know how much I care about you. I hope you’ll hear me out.” If my heart could sprout wings and fly away, it would. The amount of vulnerability and pain swimming in this man’s eyes knocks the wind out of me.
Grabbing his hand, I walk us over to where the pillows are spread out and sit, pulling him with me. I try to cross my legs and sit facing him, but he grabs my hand and pulls me into him, laying my head on his thigh so that I’m looking up at hisface. “Hi,” I say shyly. He doesn’t smile, his eyes darting all over my face. He takes a deep breath as he brushes a piece of hair behind my ear.
“There’s only one thing in life I’ve wanted my whole life, almost as much as I want to help my team win a cup.”
Huh? I start to ask him what he’s talking about, and he just shakes his head at me, effectively making me shut my mouth. “I need to get this out, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to think it’s dumb, but it’s my reality.”
Sitting up, I look him in the eye, all traces of humor long gone, “I’ve told you once, Grey, and I’ll say it again. Nothing you go through is dumb. Just because it doesn’t hold as much weight to someone else doesn’t mean it’s not a ten-ton weight to you. Don’t belittle yourself just to make someone else comfortable.” He nods and pulls me back down to his lap. I settle in, promising myself I won’t interrupt him again.
Chapter 34 – Greyson
“Since I was little, I was obsessed with having my own family one day. My mom taught me to cook; she taught me how to style her hair in case I ever had daughters. I’m talking ponytails, pigtails, buns, and braids. I can straighten hair, curl it, the whole nine. I know now that she just wanted to spend time with me, but I appreciate it because one day, I hope to be able to use what she taught me.”
I don’t miss the tears that have built up in her eyes; the smile on her face is blinding. I knew long ago that the woman I’d end up with would appreciate this set of acquired skills. Looks like I was right. “It was something I never really talked about with women I dated because they saw status or where I could take them before they saw me. Kara, I thought was different.”
The knife of betrayal starts its slow descent into my heart, and I can’t meet her eyes anymore. “What started off great turned into years of...” Looking out at the ocean, I notice the chaos of the waves mirror my heart at the moment. Wave after wave of shame, swallowing hard, I continue. “It was awful. I don’t know why I haven’t had the guts to give you the full story because if there’s anyone who would understand, it’d be you.”
“She started shopping for me, throwing out all the clothes she didn’t pick. I could only leave the house once I looked “good enough” to be seen with her. When I tried to end things with her, she pulled out the big guns. She faked a pregnancy to get me to stay. When I found out it was all a ruse, I was devastated. I was lost, so lost. I didn’t know who I was. I lost myself along the way. The anger that came out of that... ”
“I hated myself. I wanted the self-hatredto stop. I wanted the shame to stop. I wanted the me I was before her back, but I didn’t even know where to start.” My voice shakes as I recall the way I felt at the end. “I know it seems dumb, but I was so isolated from everyone by that point that I truly felt alone. I had burned bridges, pushed my own family away, and was left with what? An even more dysfunctional brain. But what made it infinitely worse was she didn’t talk about anything. At the first sign of conflict, she’d walk away, leaving me reeling. Always wondering if I had done enough. If I was enough or if there was some truth to her words. When I tried to tell her how I felt, she told me to grow up.”
She gives my arm a small squeeze, letting me know she’s still with me and that it’s okay to have these big feelings. “She was so used to the lifestyle she had with me that she would do just about anything to keep it. That’s when she started telling the local news we were getting married, and I wasn’t taking the trade deal in Tampa.”
I can’t keep my own frustrated tears in anymore; how I was so blind, I will never know. “I gave her everything, everything she asked for. Yet, she was sleeping with my teammate, my best friend, while we were still together. Why she didn’t just jump ship to be with him, I...” I blow out a breath, trying to shake the anger from me before it comes out in a violent eruption; I know she doesn’t do well with explosiveness. I’m working on it for her.
“The baby in Washington was his. He has everything I wanted.” Her sharp inhale shoots panic through me and I register what I just said. “Wait, don’t misunderstand me. I am beyond happy I didn’t have that with her. The betrayal of the two of them is just salt to the wound.” I mean, how? How does your best friend, your confidante, the person I went to, totalkaboutthe abuse Kara was putting me through, end up with your abuser?
She has tears running down her face, too, but there isn’t an ounce of pity in her eyes. Just sympathy and compassion. She’s hurting for me, and heck, if that doesn’t soothe part of my soul. A strangled sound leaves my throat and she’s up and sitting across my lap with her arms wrapped around my neck, running one hand back and forth across my shoulder blades in seconds. She doesn’t tell me it'll be okay. She just lets me process and pull myself together to continue.
Clearing my throat, I spread my legs and positioned her between them with her back to my chest. Our hands link together and rest on her hips, and as both of us face the water, I continue. “When I tried to get you to talk about your dad and you locked up on me, I compared the two of you. That’s why I started to leave.”
Bile settles in my throat, and I work hard to keep it down; how I ever could have compared is beyond me. “I promise you I had no idea she was here, and I really don’t know why she showed up at the carnival. I do want to talk about her hitting you, though.” Her head whips to look at me over her shoulder, her eyes are narrowed, her lips pulled down at the corner, and boy, oh boy, am I glad that rage isn’t aimed at me.
She looks down at her hands, as she starts picking at the skin by her nails. I lift her chin with my hand so our eyes are once again locked on each other, my thumb brushing against the side of her jaw. “We can talk through that later,” I saw softly, “but right now, I need you to know how I feel aboutyou.”
Her breath hitches, I take a deep breath ofmy own before continuing. “You are the light to my dark, the peace to my storm. You just sitting here fills me with the courage to face the most broken parts of me. You make me want to be better, not only for you but for me, too. Your brokenness calls to mine, and when we put our two broken halves together, we’re whole. And I’ll be damned if I ever let you feel like you’re not enough because, baby, you’re everything.”
The words hang between us, I watch her, waiting as my heart pounds violently in my chest. Slowly, her hand brushes against my chest before sliding to rest behind my neck. She pulls me closer, lips meeting mine in a soft tentative kiss. A kiss filled with the promise of everything we’ve both been afraid to believe in.
Her touch steadies me, her fingers weaving into my hair as I deepen the kiss. My hands find her waist, holding her against me as if she might disappear if I don’t. The world fades away, it’s only us, tangled in this moment. Our lips move from sweet and slow, to urgent and searching. Like we’re finally realizing just how long we’ve waited for this.
She pulls away first, pressing her forehead to mine. Our breathing is heavy as we breathe each other in. She looks up at me, and I have to fight the urge to pull her back down. Her bottom lip trembles and I start to panic. Did I overstep? Did I hurt her?
Oh my gosh, did she decide that kiss was goodbye, and she really doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore? The very same breathing I was trying to steady is now rough and choppy. She senses my inner turmoil like only she can; and places her hand on my chest, right over my heart.
“Grey,” she whispers, “I know you’rekicking yourself for everything that happened with what sounds like a truly awful woman. But you’re right; I’ve spent most of my life being at the mercy of a manipulative person. If anyone understands, itisme.” She balls my shirt in her hand, eyes searing into mine.
“I know, in hindsight, it’s easy to pick apart all the signs you missed or overlooked, but it’s never that easy in the throes of it. None of this was your fault. I just wish we would have both better-communicated things. I can’t be what you need if you don’t tell me when I do something that sets off a chain reaction like that.”
Like always, she surprises the heck out of me. Her words act like waves, washing over me and pulling the building panic back out to sea. I lean back, roll us both to our sides and prop myself up on my good shoulder, I put my hand under my head so I could look at her. She’s beautiful, absolutely divine. Her auburn hair is spread out across the pillows like a real-life mermaid; her eyes reflect the setting sun in the most beautiful way. The brown in them really comes through in this light.
I don’t think. There’s not a moment of hesitation as I lean forward and kiss her again. Pouring every ounce of love, relief and promise into it. When we break apart, my hands cradle her face, a smile growing on my face as I see her eyes still closed, a peaceful smile on her own. “You don’t hate me?”
Her eyebrows crease in the middle, that lightning bolt flashing between them as she studies my face, “No, I don’t hate you. I’m used to being alone; I’m used to dealing with things by myself. It’s going to take some time before I can just spit it out the second I feel some type of way. I’m going to need some time to gather my thoughts.” She sighs and rolls to her back, placing her hands behind her head as she stares out at the ocean andthe sun setting behind it.