Page 86 of Bend Toward the Sun
She leaned over the front table, watering some vegetable seedlings. When the door creaked as he entered, she straightened, but didn’t turn around.
Harry locked the door behind him. The snap of the dead bolt engaged and echoed off the glass walls.
“Usually, when someone quietly leaves, it’s a signal they want to be alone.” She turned.
“Usually, when someone is part of a polite social gathering, they say goodbye,” Harry shot back.
She dragged her bottom lip through her teeth a few timesand hugged the small watering can to her chest. “Your mom sent the kids up the hill to get me earlier. That’s the only reason I was there tonight.”
“Okay.”
“I didn’t want you to think I was there because of—any other reason.”
That stung, but Harry crossed his arms and maintained his distance. “Okay.”
“I shouldn’t have been there.”
“You were invited.”
“That’s not what I mean. Everyone is—so nice.” Her voice wavered onnice,and water sloshed over the side of the can when she put it down.
“You’re upset you had a good time,” Harry said.
Rowan looked down at her feet and continued gnawing her lip.
He frowned. “You’re—upset everyone in my family adores you.”
“Including you.” Her expression was wary.
“What?”
“You said everyone adores me.” She went pale under her freckles. “Including you.”
“Is that a question?”
“You lied to me, Harrison.”
“Ah, shit. We’re back to ‘Harrison’ again?”
She crossed and uncrossed her arms, grappling for equilibrium. “You told me we could keep this casual.”
Anger sparked. “I’m trying, damn it. Every time I touch you, I remind myself you’re leaving. Every time you look at me, I tell myself you’re not actually in as deep as I am.” Heat climbed the sides of his neck. “I fight a constant, conscious battle, trying to convince myself I’m satisfied with what you decide to give me.”
“See? Those aren’t casual words.”
No shit.
The fuse on his temper sizzled determinedly toward detonation. “If I’m a liar, you’re a liar, too. You’ve been lying about how you feel—to me, to yourself. Formonths. You’re a coward. Sneaking out of my place every night, hiding this from my family, denying it to yourself.”
“I’mhiding? You’re the one hiding. You’re hiding away from your entirelife. Hiding behind me, behind your family. All that talent, all that brainpower, just—pissed away, so you don’t have to face a mountain of guilt you didn’t fucking earn.”
Harry rocked back on his heels. “Someonedied,Rowan.”
“Yes, someone died, and it is tragic and unfair. But how long are you going to evadeyourlife because of it?”
“You know the reason I’m still here has nothing to do with that anymore,” he snapped.
Rowan flinched as his words landed. “You’re really putting that on me? You’re staying here, digging holes, laying bricks, mowing lawns, because you—you have a—acrush?”