Page 52 of The Other Side of Wild
Before she can say anything else, my front door swings open, revealing my brother, Abby growls, actually growls like a freaking bear, as her eyes meet his wide ones.
“If it isn’t the King of assholery.” She deadpans, and I freaking lose it. My head tips back as laughter erupts from my chest like water from Old Faithful.
His eyes narrow at her, flashing with a look that almost feels like desire. He grunts, turning towards me, he nods his greeting. “Should have called first, brother.” My smile is so big ithurts my cheeks. This is the lightest I’ve felt in weeks.
“Not today, Satan.” He grumbles before turning and walking right back out. The guys and I laugh, but Abby stares daggers at the door. Oh, what I’d do to be a fly on the wall if they ever end up alone in a room together. The thought alone brings a fresh wave of laughter, and my abs hurt by the time I run out of steam.
“You really don’t like him, do you?” I ask. Her only response is a shrug, her eyes still filled with fire, her jaw clenched tight, and her eyebrows drawn low. It’s at this moment that I understand why he called her a “terrifying pixie”; she may be little, but she is fierce.
“Alright, cowboys, teach me the moves.” Never in a million years did I ever think those words would leave my mouth.
Chapter 29 – Hannah
I don’t know how I got here, but I’m comfortably sitting by the lighthouse. Harley is zig-zagging everywhere, sniffing everything there to sniff. She’s clearly in doggy sensory heaven. The warmth that grows in my chest as I watch her makes me so thankful I let a friend in college talk me into volunteering at a shelter. When I got home last night, she was already there, tail wagging like a helicopter ready for takeoff. Thankfully, Abby had the foresight to bring her back, so I didn’t have to have a conversation I wasn’t ready for.
This dog is an actual angel. There isn’t a human or animal more in tune with my inner turmoil than this girl. It’s like God hand-picked her for me, dropped her in my lap, and said here. You’re going to need the help of an angel on earth. Amen to that. Suddenly, she stops, lifts her head, and smells the air. I think maybe there’s an animal close by when she takes off running. But my theory is quickly disproved when I hear, “Hey, pretty girl,” in that smooth, deep voice that I miss so much.
My skin immediately feels two sizes too small. I take a deep breath, in through my nose, out through my mouth a couple of times. Maybe that’s why I ended up here. I subconsciously wanted to talk, but now that he’s in front of me or behind me, I all of a sudden decide it’s a horrible idea. I don’t turn around; my eyes focus on the waves crashing into the rocks.
“Hey, Kitten.” He sits next to me, and his cologne washes over me. All I want to do is curl into him. Sandalwood with hints of mandarin is warm and fresh. It feels like coming home and wrapping myself in my favorite blanket. My body is vibratinglike a magnet being pulled towards its other half.
Turning my head slightly, I give him a small smile as I look at his face. His beard is a little longer than it was the last time I saw him. There are dark circles under his eyes, but they look better than they did before I left. His arm is still in a sling; he looks a little less stiff, though, which is a good sign.
“Hey.” It’s croaked out. He smiles, and my traitorous heart speeds up at the sight.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were back?” His voice barely a whisper, but the rawness to it hits me somewhere deep. He pulls his knees into his chest, resting his sling carefully on top of them as he searches my face. His eyes pleading for something I’m not sure I can give him.
“I didn’t know I needed to give you a play-by-play of my life.”
He hangs his head, his shoulders hunching forward. I feel like time has stopped as I look over at him; he looks as broken as I feel at this moment. “I deserved that.” He murmurs, voice cracking on the tail end. “I know sorry will never be enough, but Iamsorry, Hannah. I’m sorry for not showing up at the carnival, I’m sorry for the things I said, I’m sorry for pushing you away. But mostly, I’m sorry that I was the cause of even a second of pain for you.”
Goosebumps cover my arms as a shiver rolls through my body. “Are you cold?” He looks up at me through his lashes, his head still hung.
“No.” I whisper, my throat suddenly drier that the Grand Canyon in July. “I just wasn’t expecting to have this conversation today. I had the entire conversation played out in my head, but it definitely didn’t start with an apology from you.”
“You didn’t think I’d apologize?” Mytongue darts out to wet my suddenly parched lips. He follows the movement, and the intensity of his stare releases the herd of butterflies in my stomach.
“I knew you’d apologize, Grey,” I admit, “that’s just who you are. I was just prepared to get everything I needed to say out first.”
He shifts closer, leaving just enough space so that I can breathe. His eyes never leave mine, like he’s bracing for impact. Ready to take everything I throw his way. “So, get it out. Give it to me, I deserve it.”
“That’s the thing, you don’t deserve it. I get that you were hurting. I know that you were pushed to a breaking point and I was the topic that made you snap. But I needed to hear all that, it snapped me out of the fantasy world I was living in.”
I thought this would make me feel better, but all it’s doing right now is making me sick. Nausea rolls through me, only worsened by the look on his face. It’s as if someone just punched him in the ribs. Equal parts pained and confused.
His voice wobbles when he speaks. “Hannah... no. That’s not–”
“Stop, Grey. Please.” I cut him off before I lose the nerve to keep going. “I’ve never been good enough to be someone’s end game. And you Greyson Wilder are so far out of my league it’s not even funny. I was only kidding myself when I let myself indulge in thoughts of us.”
His eyes harden as I talk, hands clenching into fists, shaking with the effort to hold himself together. But he doesn’t stop me.
“You have this big, beautiful life, you’re a loved member of this community. Of the hockey world, being tied to someone like me would be a hindrance for you. This was the wake up call I needed. I needed to put those thoughts away because you deserve the world, the best of the best. And that isn’t me, not right now. I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”
I barely got that last part out before he kneeled in front of me with his good hand on the side of my face, tears spill from his eyes. “Don’t. Don’t do this, Kitten. I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself that way again. You are the best of the best. And this crap about you not being good enough, is just that. It’s crap Hannah. You areeverything.Do you hear me? Everything.”
My eyes dart between his, tracking the tears that are falling down his face. This big, beautiful man is hurting, and I played a part in it. It's as if someone has reached inside me, grabbed my stomach, and squeezed; I whisper my next words.
Heavy with hurt and the need for him to fight against them. “I needed you, Grey. I needed my lighthouse, but the keeper turned out the light, and I was thrown around in the waves in the middle of a storm. Alone.”