Page 33 of The Other Side of Wild
“Hi, Kitten.” I manage, my voice gruff as I rest my head against the bathroom wall. “Thank you.” The words feel like they weigh a metric ton.
Her blush travels down her neck, and I swear I can see the rise and fall of her chest quicken under a sweatshirt I know has my name on the back of it. She tucks a nonexistent piece of hair behind her ear as her eyes flit around her room like she’s trying to get a hold of herself.
“Hey, Wilder?”
“Yeah?
“You don’t have to thank me.” She whispers it, and the sultriness of her voice makes my stomach do a somersault. She moves closer to the screen, and I wish more than anything I could reach through it and pull her in for a hug. Her eyes hold mine as she says, “You’d do the same for me.”
Of course, I would. There’s no doubt about it.
We look at each other through the screen, not daring to break the bubble we’ve created. On one hand, my heart is drawn to this woman. It’s ready to jump and yell “Catch me” as it free falls. At the same time, my brain is telling me to slow down, that I could be wrong about her. Red flags wave in the recess of my mind, but I so badly want to believe in her. In us. My hands tremble as I run them through my hair.
“Do you think I’m a good person?” The question clearly catches her off guard as she turns her head and blinks rapidly at me. The self-doubt that's snaked its way into me is crippling at the moment. Three steps forward, two steps back.
“What?” Her head tilts to the side as she studies me. I wonder what she sees when she looks at me. Does she like it? Would she change anything if she could? “Greyson, where is this coming from? Is this about the other night?” Her breath hitches as her eyes dart around the room. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to push you away, I'm just.. I don’t even know. I like you, but should we be doing this? I’m covering your team this season. Is that even ethical? That’s where I was coming from with the professional comment. I don’t know what to do.”
She goes to speak again, but I cut her off, “Hannah, we aren’t employed by the same organization. Go look at your HR handbook. If it’s an issue, we can just work on building a solid friendship until the end of the season. I’m okay with that. I just need to know if you’re in or not. Because if you are, I need you to be fully in. I don’t date, just to date, Kitten.” I hold her gaze, hoping my next words don’t make her run.
“I want to get married; I want kids and a family. I want the dogs, the smelly diapers, the puke. I want to braid my wife’s hair when she’s too tired to do it herself. I want to make her dinner when she can’t even keep her eyes open.” My heart squeezes as I take in the look on her face.
Her eyes are wide, lips parted in a way that makes me want to run my tongue between them. The prettiest blush coats her cheeks as she stares at me without blinking. “If that’s not what you want out of this, I need you to tell me now. I’ll go at your pace, but know that’s my end game.”
“You... You?” It comes out as a question, and the confusion that is now evident from her unfocused eyes to the tight pinch between her brows making that lightning bolt shape wrinkle appear between them. She clears her throat and squeezes the bun on the top of her head. “You want that with me?” She croaks out. I give her a quick nod and the first genuine smile I’ve had all day.
“Why? We hardly know each other.” Her head shakes as she looks up at the ceiling, swallowing hard enough for me to notice over the phone.
“Because since I’ve met you, you’ve chased your goals with everything you have. You’ve tried to friend-zone me multiple times. You didn’t judge me when I told you about my depression; you helped me through two panic attacks in the past twenty-four hours. You don’t care about what’s in my bank account or what I can do for you. You genuinely just like to hang out with me. And the way you care about others, you’re going to make a great mom one day. I don’t know why I wouldn’t want that with someone like you.”
The color drains from her face, and her hand covers her mouth. I can see it shaking. She truly believes she isn’t good enough for anyone to settle down with. I’ll change that.
Chapter 17 – Hannah
Getting out of bed on a Tuesday morning never felt more like a chore than it does right now. The past couple of days were heavy in the mental load department; my head was a bit of a mess. I lack direction; I don’t even want to go to work today. But I can’t get out of some of the meetings I have scheduled.
One is with the current head of Sports Marketing; she’s leaving to go work with a team in New York where her husband got traded. I don’t know what this meeting is about, but it showed up on my calendar yesterday. Who am I to question it? It could be another step towards my goal.
My phone rings right at 9:02 AM as I pull my shirt over my head, swipe it off the dresser, and smile at the name. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, sweetheart, I haven’t heard from you in a few days; I just wanted to check in. You normally don’t disappear like that. Well, from me, at least.” I check my outfit in the mirror before grabbing a pair of kitten heels that perfectly complement the black pencil skirt and light green top I have on. I braided my hair after I got off the phone with Greyson last night, so it now flows in waves down my back. I gotta say, it’s one of my favorite looks.
“I’m okay, Mom. I just have a lot going on at the moment. The carnival is this weekend, and I’m trying to tie up all the loose ends and make sure it goes off without a hitch.”
“Are you overworking yourself?” Her sigh shakes the foundation of doubt I’ve been slow to examine over the last few months. The doubt that I’m not really doing this for myself, that she and Abby are right and one day I’ll look back on this and realize I gave up so much of my life withnothing to actually show for it. Is this really how I want to spend the rest of it? Running the rat race with no end in sight, there will always be something bigger, better, and shinier. Does it really end with this promotion?
I can’t answer that.
“Probably, but after the season, I have some PTO I can use. I’ll come see you and Eli or something.” I miss home, but the memories that were made there, haunt me. I haven’t been back since Dad died. But maybe that’s what I need; I need to be reminded of who I am. Who the real Hannah is, not the one who's been reduced to nothing, constantly trying to prove herself to a dead guy.
“I wish you’d take better care of yourself. This isn’t healthy, Hannah. You can’t keep putting your career above everything else. I don’t want you to be fifty with eight dogs.” Gosh, this woman is something else.
“I know, I know. You want grandkids minus the tails and fur.” I clap back with every ounce of sarcasm I can muster. Her laugh calms my frayed nerves; my heart softens a bit. I know she’s right; I’m stubborn. What can I say? My entire personality is a trauma response. I don’t even know who I am without my job. That might be an underlying issue. It looks like I have something to talk to Megan about next week during therapy.
“Gotta go, Mom; I need coffee before I get to the office. I love you.” She tells me she loves me and then hangs up. With my hands braced on the kitchen island, I hang my head in front of me. Mentally, I’m exhausted. I’m questioning everything. Everything but Greyson’s words about a family last night. For some reason that I can’t explain, thosewords brought as much peace as they did shock.
I think maybe he'll be the one to help me rebuild what was broken in me. He’ll be the one to prove me and my dad wrong. He’ll be the one who helps me see my own worth and who loves me for me. Scars and all. Yeah, I think I’d give it all up for that. I just hope he catches me as I fall.
“Nora, what’s the policy on dating players?” I blurt it out as soon as I step inside her office, I can’t hold it in anymore. I want to know what I’m up against. Her eyebrows shoot up as she looks over her laptop at me.