Page 56 of Road to Nowhere (Road to Nowhere 1)

  “There could be worse things than loving two men, sweetie.”

  “Not if one of them gets hurt.”

  “Have you seen Creed?”

  “You know I haven’t. Not since that night at his mom’s. The very same night he saw us. The same night he was brutal and nasty to me. Which in a way I guess I deserved. I know he was hurting and drunk, and I don’t blame him for that. The crazy thing is, even though he was deliberately being cruel to me, he never once stopped saying that I was his. That he loved me. That I belonged to him. His love always spoke through the pain. The pain I caused the man who’s done nothing but protect me.”

  “Have you and Noah discussed this?”

  “No. What am I supposed to say to him? He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s been nothing short of amazing to me. He’s been there as a friend, a boyfriend, and a lover. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.”

  “But you can with Creed?”

  “I can, but only because I haven’t spent any time with him since the shooting. I know I would feel different if he became my friend, but I don’t think we could ever just be friends. At least not for him, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him any more than I already have.”

  “How about Maddie? How has it been since you and Noah finally talked about her?”

  “I have a better sense of understanding the love I had for her, and it makes me feel less like a horrible mother. I also think it has given Noah and me a bit of closure. We don’t talk about her, but it doesn’t feel like there’s a huge elephant in the room anymore. I also know that if I wanted to talk about her, he would listen and vice versa.”

  She nodded. “What would happen if you woke up tomorrow and remembered, Mia? If suddenly your memory was back. Do you think it would still be Noah?”

  My eyes widened, biting my lower lip. I shrugged, not knowing how to answer.

  “Then I think that’s what you need to figure out. Because that one day, sweetie, could be tomorrow.”

  “Yeah…” I whispered.

  She flipped through my notebook, paying particular attention to some of my last entries. “I think the answers have been in front of you all along, Mia,” she said, closing it and handing it back to me.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I see a pattern happening on those pages. Your homework is to take some time for yourself, and read through your thoughts in that notebook, alright? Same time next week, okay?”

  I nodded. She ended our session, leaving me with a lot to think about. When I exited the elevator, Noah was patiently waiting for me in the parking garage like always.

  “Hey, pretty girl,” he greeted, kissing me and pulling me into his arms.

  “Hey, yourself,” I teased, smiling.

  “Guess what today is?”

  “If you say something sexual, I’m going to hit you,” I giggled, pulling away.

  “Get your mind out of the gutter!” he chuckled, grabbing my hand and kissing it. Leading me out of the garage. “I know my cock is good to you and all, but you gotta give the man a break sometimes.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Oh my God! You’re the one who wants to live on top of me.”

  “Really? Says the girl who’s on top most of the time.”

  I looked down at the ground, not wanting him to see the expression on my face. I was scared it would give away why I wanted to be on top. Why I needed to be. “So, what is today then?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “Today is the day you ride on the back of my bike.”

  I shook my head, glancing at the side of his face. “Nope. Not happening.”

  “Oh, it’s happenin’.” He picked me up off the ground, throwing me over his shoulder before I even saw it coming.

  “You can’t do this every time you don’t get your way!”

  “Try and stop me, Mia.”

  I struggled against him, laughing the entire time as he walked us to the back of the huge building, to the alleyway where he had parked his bike and there were no other vehicles.

  “It’s time for you to meet my other girl. She’s gettin’ her feelings hurt since I don’t ride her as much as you ride me.”

  I smacked his back, making him chuckle.

  “You’re gonna sit your pretty little ass on my bike for a minute, so you can get used to the feelin’ of somethin’ so big between your legs. Wait, you should already be used to it cuz of me.”

  I smacked him again.

  He clutched onto my waist, sliding me down his hard, muscular body. Making me straddle his waist as he straddled his bike, placing me on his lap. Our innocent encounter turned into something else entirely different when he yanked me closer. Molding us into one person and kissing me as if his life depended on it. I moaned into his mouth, and he groaned into mine as he suddenly fisted my hair at the nook of my neck. His other hand drifted down the side of my breast to the seam of my panties, under my dress. He slid them over, gliding his fingers into my wet folds.

  I swallowed hard. “Noah… someone could walk back here.”

  “Fuck, you’re so wet. I did this to you. Me,” he growled, continuing to work my clit. Ignoring my fear, seducing me to keep going. He swiftly pushed me back, and I placed my hands on the gas tank for support.

  My head was spinning, my heart was racing, my core was throbbing. I leaned forward to kiss him, but he tore my hair back harder. Wanting me to stay right where I was, spread wide open for him on his bike.

  I couldn’t stop it.

  I couldn’t stop this.

  My mind and my heart wouldn’t let me, colliding into one.

  He wanted to watch me fall over the edge, needing to feel me deep in his soul. Never once stopping his assault on my core, rubbing me back and forth, causing my body to shudder and my hips to rock, taking what he was giving.

  His lips parted like he was feeling everything I was when all he was doing was watching me come apart. For him and only him. His fingers worked me over, finding my g-spot, creating this longing, this intensity, this mind-blowing explosion all over my body. My back arched over the gas tank, my dress riding up, exposing his sweet torture. Allowing him to go faster and harder.

  My heart continuing to beat rapidly, hammering in my head, and making me feel dizzy.

  Lightheaded.

  Overwhelmed by everything that was suddenly happening. Feeling as if I was being mentally torn in two directions.

  His.

  Ours.

  My mind was in overdrive, putting up one hell of a fight with my heart.

  He roughly jerked my hair back to look into my eyes and spoke with conviction, “You’re fuckin’ mine. I claimed you.”

  When our eyes locked together, it was all over, feeling his thumb manipulate my nub as his fingers continued to rub my sweet spot.

  Bringing me right to the edge of the ledge, on the tips of my toes, about to free fall when I heard the horn from the train at noon sounding off a few blocks away. Pulling me back to the here and now. Getting louder and louder, ready to barrel through town, taking my heart away with it. I shook off the sudden unease and tried to focus on Noah’s touch, shoving away my feelings I told Doc about.

  This moment, it was truly the end for me.

  Right then and there like a wave washing me to shore with Noah’s hands pulling me under.

  THIRTY

  *Creed*

  I unlocked the door, stepping inside my place. Throwing the keys on the entry table before making my way inside. It had been five months since I took care of business, putting my father to ground. Finally walking away from the MC, free to do whatever the fuck I wanted.

  Completely out from under his control for the first time in my life.

  The press had a fucking field day with the news of what supposedly went down at the compound. The story Damien pulled out of his ass was nothing but pure and utter fucking genius. I quickly realized he really was good at what he did, especially all the illegal shit. Which would definitely earn him the death sentence by the la

w’s standards if he ever got found out. Even without my help, it wouldn’t have been long before he became District Attorney, like he was now. The corrupt motherfucker was all over the news, shaking hands with the top fucking dogs from all around the world. Painting the picture of the man everyone knew as El Santo, doing what he does best—serving justice.

  He portrayed me as the knight in shining fucking armor. Mia Ryder’s hero. I couldn’t leave my house without getting hounded by reporters. All wanting an interview with the man who took down the President of the Devil’s Rejects. The fact it was his son who did so made it even better tabloid gossip. I couldn’t even turn on the T.V. without seeing our faces plastered all over the screen. Making me miss her that much more.

  About a week after the incident, I made arrangements to have Luke’s remains buried at Oakdale Cemetery next to Autumn’s memorial. Giving my ma the closure she needed, knowing that her baby boy was now truly resting in peace.

  She didn’t say much about what happened, other than thank you when I handed her Luke’s medallion at the memorial. Pulling me into a tight hug with tears running down her cheeks. She didn’t any ask questions, probably because she already knew all the answers. She was still briefed by Leo, preparing for my father’s case with Damien. It was standard protocol to question all parties involved, just to go through the motions. They even brought Noah in.

  I saw my brother at Ma’s house a few days after we took down my old man, and everything was already headline news. I had gone into my room to pack up some of my shit that Ma had brought over from the old house. Wanting to take it back with me to my place.

  “Hey,” Noah greeted, leaning against the doorframe to my room with his arms crossed over his chest.

  I nodded at him, grabbing the dogtags Autumn had made for me from my nightstand. Throwing it in one of my bags on the bed. I hadn’t worn it in years, but I couldn’t part with it. Autumn would always have a special place in my heart. She was my best friend.

  “Can’t believe you still got that,” he added. “I remember when you mailed it to me from overseas while you were playin’ G.I. fuckin’ Joe. Askin’ me to put in your room for you.”

  “Probably the only letter you ever read of mine.”

  “I read them all, Creed. Every last one. Most of them I read so many fuckin’ times that I started to memorize them. I may have resented you, but I needed to know you were okay. Make sure you were alive. I had to, you’re my big brother.”

  I glanced over at him, surprised by his revelation.

  “You were the only family I had left at that point. Couldn’t lose you, too.”

  “Ya never wrote me back. If it wasn’t for Pippin, wouldn’t have ever gotten any mail.”

  “She’s a good girl.”

  “You’d know,” I sternly said. “She’s yours now.”

  He slowly nodded his head with a flicker of something in his eyes that I couldn’t make out or begin to understand. But he continued before I could give it anymore thought.

  “I couldn’t bring myself to write you back,” he voiced, changing the subject. Walking over to sit on the edge of my bed, leaning his elbows on his knees. His eyes never wavered, following me as I went around the room, collecting all my shit. It was like he was truly looking at me for the first time since I was discharged from the Army.

  Seeing his brother.

  Not his enemy.

  “I was fuckin’ pissed at you for leavin’ me behind. To take care of all the bullshit that had suddenly become my life. I hated you. Mostly cuz I knew you coulda died over there, leavin’ me really fuckin’ alone. Not given me a chance to even say goodbye to you before I woulda had to walk up to your grave. Exactly like I did with my daughter,” he shared, immediately making me stop what I was doing to look at him.

  “Yeah, I was fuckin’ livid with you, Creed, letting it happenin’ on your watch. The brother who had done nothin’ but protect me for most of my childhood, couldn’t do the same for my daughter. It brought back all those feelings I went through when you were gone, just pourin’ fuckin’ salt to my already bleedin’ wounds.”He took a long, deep, sturdy breath, composing his thoughts before adding, “I know it wasn’t your fault, alright? If I would have been in that situation… havin’ to choose… I probably would have chosen Mia, too. And that was the hardest pill to fuckin’ swallow cuz that baby girl was actually my kid.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I just stood there in a state of shock.

  “And that alone made me feel like I’m no different than our fuckin’ father. When I don’t wanna be nothin’ like him.”

  “You ain’t, Noah. I ain’t either. And it’s taken me a really long fuckin’ time to realize that. Ya feel me?”

  He nodded, his eyes glossy, blinking away his unshed tears. “When you enlisted. You didn’t even ask me how I felt about you leavin’. Not one fuckin’ word to me about it. I find out while you and Pops were kickin’ each other's asses which seems to be a runnin’ theme with our fuckin’ family,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “You made me feel like I didn’t fuckin’ matter to you anymore. When I went through my whole life feelin’ like you were the only one who ever made me feel like I did matter to someone.”

  I shook my head, blindsided. “Gotta shitty way of fuckin’ showin’ it, Noah.”

  “I’m a Jameson, right?”

  I scoffed out, grabbing a few more things from the drawers, throwing them in my bags. Hurrying around the space, gathering more shit so I could leave. “The fuck you want?” I finally asked, knowing he didn’t come in my room for an afternoon fucking special where I'd tell him it was perfectly okay to continue loving and fucking my girl.

  He knew me better than that.

  “All I wanted was to tell ya was that we’ll always be brothers, Creed. Don’t matter how many times we kick each other’s asses. We’re blood.”

  “No shit,” I rasped, eyeing him. “I love ya, Noah, but I don’t have to fuckin’ like ya. And right now, that ain’t nothin’ but the truth.”

  He nodded, understanding. Throwing me the shirt that was on my bed. “Pops ended up bein’ more fucked up than I ever thought, huh? Thanks for takin’ care of that. Findin’ out the truth and all that shit.”

  “Didn’t do it for you. She’s my girl, baby brother. Been my fuckin’ girl for as long as I can remember. No matter how many times you fuck her, tell her you love her, take her to bed—don’t change the fact that she’s always gonna be mine.” I grabbed my bags off the bed, walking over the threshold to leave. I halted not looking back at him, addressing what I needed him to hear, “Shit happens. It’s life. You take care of her, treat her right like she fuckin’ deserves, yeah?”

  “Always.”

  I nodded. “You better or you’ll fuckin’ answer to me.” And with that I left, never once looking back.

  I made my way to the kitchen, opening the double sliding doors to the back patio. Letting the ocean breeze sweep through the house. I came to love the salty smell in the air as much as the scent of vanilla, both reminding me of who I lost. It didn’t get any easier as time went on, if anything it only got fucking harder.

  I grabbed a beer from my fridge, needing it after a long day at the garage. I had opened a motorcycle shop in downtown South Port, in a prime location where most of the local bikers hung out. Business was booming, for only being open for two months. Diesel and a couple other brothers worked for me. It was the only thing that kept my mind occupied. All I’d ever known were guns and bikes. It only made sense to start making money off it. It was easy to rent the space and get my business going. I never spent much of what I had earned throughout my four years in the military. Getting paid extra money for every deployment, risking my fucking life for everyone else’s. It was the only good that came out of being shipped overseas all those times.

  Plus, I still had most of the money I received from doing all the illegal shit for the Devil's Rejects. At the end of the day, something bad turned in

to something good. I donated a chunk of that money to Polarins, an organization dedicated to fighting against human trafficking, in Mia’s name. Figuring it was the least I could do with the corrupt cash.

  For the first time in my life, I was making some sweet ass choppers, living and making decisions on my own. I was on the straight and narrow. Finally free of the demons that I thought would haunt me forever, but something, someone, was always missing.

  Devil’s Rejects became non-existent, or at least our chapter did, right after Prez fell six feet under and I resigned as VP. No one wanted to be associated with the name that was now tainted with bad blood around our parts. I was in the process of getting another club in order, taking my time setting it up the way I wanted it to run. The brotherhood of the MC was all I’d ever known. We had a bond that I didn’t want to give up. I was just done with the illegal bullshit. Especially the bloodshed. I never wanted to be a 1%er in the first place, but it came with the territory I was born into. My new MC would cater to the true definition of a motorcycle club.

  Family.

  I finished my beer, throwing it in the trash. Warming myself something up for dinner. Hadn’t eaten all damn day, I was fucking starving. It was easy to get caught up in what I loved doing. Work became my distraction. Something to fill up my time and the void in my heart. The shop was all I had now. I spent more hours there than I did at home. Too many memories of what could have been floated around the big space, taunting me.

  Especially at night when I would lay in bed alone, wishing Mia was wrapped around me. I couldn’t bring myself to sell our house, even though it hurt every time I walked in the goddamn door. Knowing I wouldn’t see Mia’s beautiful face greeting me.

  Not a day, an hour, or a motherfucking second went by that I didn’t think about her. Hoping she was happy, even if it was my brother’s doing. She deserved all that and more.