Page 42 of Road to Nowhere (Road to Nowhere 1)

  I jerked back, my eyes widening. Never fucking expecting that.

  “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll let me walk out of here. I’ve killed men for far fuckin’ less than what you just did in there, Creed,” he gritted out, glaring straight into my eyes.

  I was no longer his brother standing in front of him.

  His family. His blood.

  I was just the man who killed his daughter.

  Taking away his whole fucking world.

  His finger didn’t move from the trigger as he cocked his gun to the side. “But you ain’t worth the blood. You ain’t worth the fuckin’ effort. Bein’ a part of your life is a guaranteed fuckin’ death sentence.” He adamantly nodded behind me. “Maddie’s death… her blood… it’s on you. You’re the reason she’s dead.”

  The sincerity of his words were like taking bullet after bullet, after fucking bullet to my heart.

  He backed away, still aiming his gun at my chest. Took one last look at me with disgust and hatred evident in his eyes, turned and left. Slamming the door behind him.

  I watched my baby brother leave, knowing he had just turned his back on me.

  “Fuck, brother,” Diesel breathed out, walking up beside me and grabbing ahold of my shoulder. I shoved his hand away, not needing his condolences or his fucking pity.

  “Where are they?”

  He took a deep breath, fully aware of who I was referring to. “I’m sorry, man. They got away.”

  I didn’t think twice about it. I spun around grabbing the armchair, chucking it across the room. Watching as the frame shattered against the wall, falling into shards on the hardwood floor. My body couldn’t move fast enough around the open space, pushing over everything that was in my immediate path. Throwing and swinging at anything I could find. Growling, fucking seething, needing to hurt something.

  Anything.

  “GODDAMN IT!” I screamed, throwing one thing after another across the room. Not giving a flying fuck I was destroying the place. “The fuck you mean they got away?! I told you to bring those motherfuckers back here! And you’re gonna stand there and tell me you fuckin’ failed!” I picked up the lamp beside me, ready to heave it at the fucking door.

  Diesel stepped out in front of me, blocking my way. “We’ll find them. I fuckin’ promise you. I give you my word that we will fuckin’ find the motherfuckers who did this and make them pay!”

  I looked around the room, trying to catch my breath from the rage coursing through my veins. Seeing the rest of the brothers who weren’t put to ground for the first time. All nodding along with Diesel’s words, silently assuring me what he was saying was true. Giving me the only comfort I did want.

  Fucking revenge.

  “Creed! We need to call an ambulance. Mia is stable, but she needs to get to a hospital,” Doc announced, walking into the living room. Removing another pair of blood-soaked gloves.

  “We’re out in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere, you already know that. An ambulance couldn’t even find this place if we painted them a fuckin’ map. Can’t even drive a car through those woods, it’s why we been fuckin’ drivin’ side-by-sides,” I replied, pacing the room, kicking shit out of my way. Raking my hands through my hair, needing one goddamn second to think.

  Just one goddamn second.

  “We take her! We take her right fuckin’ now!” I tried to sidestep Diesel, but he firmly grabbed my arm before I got the last word out.

  “Need to get our story straight. Cops are gonna be swarmin’ when you show up with her at the hospital. Did you fuckin’ forget she’s missin’? I know you gotta protect your girl, but you also gotta protect your club, VP,” Diesel stated, emphasizing the last two letters.

  I tore my arm away, looking him dead in the eyes. “You do whatever the fuck you gotta do or say… but you got an hour to get me a fuckin’ cargo van. Need to get Mia to the hospital as comfortably as possible. She’s already been through enough. Have it meet us at the end of the road just out of the woods.” I cocked my head to the side, adding, “And you prolly got less than twenty-four hours to handle this shit and take care of business. Yeah?”

  He nodded, pulling out his phone to make the necessary calls to save our asses. Except, I was the only one who didn’t give a fuck about my future anymore. I was already living in Hell. Prison wouldn’t be any different.

  All that mattered to me was getting Mia safely to the hospital.

  *Mia*

  My eyes fluttered open, or maybe they were still closed. Darkness clouded my vision, making it hard to decipher between the two. I tried again, blinking a few times, willing them to focus, but I was so drowsy and tired. My body was so stiff and sore. It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, sinking into the blankets on the hard surface beneath me.

  I groaned, moving my head side-to-side, nestling in my aching body. Pain radiated from the middle of my back, wrapping around my abdomen. Hugging me tight like a vise. I couldn’t comprehend if I was awake or asleep at that point. Feeling as though I was in a moving vehicle.

  “It’s okay, baby,” I heard Creed coax from above me. Instantly feeling a warm sensation course through my body. The pain almost immediately subsided into a hazy bliss. The familiar smell of cigarettes and his musky, masculine scent aided in keeping me content.

  “Water,” I mumbled, feeling like I hadn’t drank anything in forever. He placed a straw at my lips and I greedily sucked it down. Trying to quench my thirst.

  “Easy, babe, gonna make yourself sick.”

  I nodded, slowing down my pace. Wondering why the hell I was so thirsty and disoriented. Waiting for Creed to tell me what was going on, but he didn’t say anything. I turned my head away when I had my fill of the water, trying to gather my rambling thoughts and adjust to my surroundings.

  The space was darker than I initially thought. My eyes finally adapted to the soft light coming from what looked like a lantern down by my feet, and a few overhead lights the driver must have turned on. My gaze slowly moved around the closed space, realizing I was right. We were in a moving cargo van.

  My eyes immediately landed on Creed. His body was hunched over, leaning up against the metal steel with his elbows on his knees, but that wasn’t what caught my attention. It was the fact that he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

  Even through the dim lighting, I could see that his cheeks were sunken in and his skin was pale. His hair was all disheveled and messy as if he’d been yanking at it. A few strands had fallen around his gaze, only accentuating the dark, puffy circles under his eyes, which were also bloodshot red. His bright blue irises that I could never get enough of appeared almost translucent and white. They were void of any emotions, empty pools, no feeling pouring out of them whatsoever. His expression was vacant and hard. I’ve never wanted to know what he was thinking, more than I did in that second.

  The more I looked at him, the more I realized the man I loved with all my heart was now a blank canvas. A mere illusion of the person I used to know.

  My heart started urgently pounding against my chest. An unsettling feeling churned deep within my stomach. There was something in the way he was looking at me that left me breathless, and more confused. I wanted to ask him what happened, but I couldn’t find my voice. Suddenly terrified to know the answer. I wanted to look around, but I couldn’t will myself to look away from him. Our gazes were locked. Neither one of us willing to break the intensity of our stares as my emotions continued to run wild.

  He narrowed his eyes, looking at me with a visible yearning. Showing me a glimpse of the man I’ve known and loved.

  The same man I knew that loved me back.

  The thought alone calmed me.

  His eyes searched my face for I don't know what, eyeing me up and down. Fighting an internal battle that was clearly raging war inside of him. Unfolding right in front of me. He was the first to break our connection, unable to look at me any longer. His face dropped to his boots as his hands dug into his hair, tugging at it like I

imagined he’d been doing all night. His mood shifted into a cluster of emotions. So contradicting to the man he had just shown me.

  He was bracing himself for something I had yet to grasp or understand.

  You know how people say your mind could protect itself from anything it thought could hurt them… I never understood that statement until right then and there. For some reason, I instinctively narrowed in on his nails, noticing for the first time there was dried up blood caked under them.

  Which was all it took to set the tracks in motion…

  “What do you think baby girl? You like the name, Madison?”

  Blink.

  “This ain’t over.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  Blink.

  “I’d like to make a toast to Mia. For puttin’ up with us foul-mouthed bikers, makin’ this kickass fuckin’ meal, and for handlin’ this situation like a fuckin’ pro. Not being a little bitch or a pain in our fuckin’ asses.”

  “And here I thought you didn’t know my name.”

  Blink.

  “Hey, Doc! You forget something?”

  Blink.

  “Mia, for the first time in I don’t know how long, I’m actually doin’ somethin’ good. It’s been an honor to be part of your journey with Maddie. I can’t wait to help you brin’ her into this world.”

  Blink.

  “NO! MIA, RUN!”

  Blink.

  “GET HER OUT OF HERE!”

  Blink.

  “Stay with me. You fuckin’ stay with me.”

  Blink.

  “You fight, Mia. You fuckin’ fight for our baby girl and I’m gonna go fight for you.”

  Blink.

  “Pleeeaassee, saaave herr… saaave… Madd…”

  Shouting…

  Crying….

  Blood…

  Pain…

  Pain…

  Pain…

  Nothing. But. Pain.

  My eyes filled with tears, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. “Creed…”

  It felt like an eternity before he finally glanced up, looking at me through the slits of his eyes. His stare, his demeanor, his aura all mirrored mine.

  My lips parted taking a deep breath. Letting it wheeze out as my hand slowly, intuitively moved from the side of my body, toward the center of my belly. Though my gaze never shifted from his.

  I sucked in air, my body seizing completely. “Where is she?” I whispered so low as soon as my hand felt my non-existing stomach.

  He didn’t move or say anything. He didn’t even blink.

  My heart sped up, beating a mile a minute. I swear he could hear it. There was no way he couldn’t have, it echoed throughout the space between us.

  “Is she with Noah? Is my baby girl with her daddy? Is she in the front passenger seat with Noah?”

  Silence. Nothing. Not one reaction.

  Each second that passed between us, felt like hours had gone by.

  “Is she with Doc? Does he have her? Are you taking us to the hospital?” I couldn’t get my questions out fast enough.

  Silence.

  I began nodding uncontrollably like I was answering my own questions. Biting down on my bottom lip, to the point of pain. “Where is she? She needs her momma! I’m her momma, Creed! She needs me!”

  His expression never once wavered from a deep stillness and penetrating stare. Glaring at me as if I was asking questions that didn’t make any sense. His silence was deafening, like an array of tiny razor blades cutting into every last inch of my skin.

  I could feel him everywhere and all at once, even though he wasn’t touching me.

  “Why are you just sitting there?!” I shouted, becoming angry from his lack of response. “Where is Maddie?! Where is my daughter?!”

  He shut his eyes just for a second murmuring, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Mia.” Bowing his head in shame.

  I placed my shaking hand over my heart, trying to steady my breathing. The space was caving in on me. My vision blurred, clouding everything around my vicinity, including him. My lips started to quiver, my chest started to heave. Unleashed tears from my swollen eyes immediately streamed down the sides of my face.

  “For what, Creed?! What the hell are you sorry for?!” I yelled, my body trembling uncontrollably.

  He just shook his head back and forth. “Baby, I—” Looking back up at me with torment in his eyes.

  “Answer my fucking question!” I ripped the blanket back, ignoring the wires and tubes pulling at my skin. Swiftly sitting up. Groaning out in immediate pain.

  He was in my face trying to get me to lie back down. “Mia, stop! You’re gonna hurt yourself!”

  I shoved him away, but he didn’t budge. “What are you sorry for?! What did you do, Creed?!” My hands connected with his chest with a loud thud, repeatedly pounding into him. Weakly struggling against his body and the machines that held me back. “Where is Madison?!”

  “Pippin, calm the fuck down! Let me explain! I’m sorr—”

  “Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! Tell me where my baby is!”

  He tried to wrestle me into his arms, wanting and needing to hold me. Trying to control me.

  “Let go of me!” I shouted, trying to shake loose from his hold. Ignoring the pain cycling my entire body. Roughly clawing at his hands, his arms, trying to pry them off of me. Only making him hold me tighter.

  “Babe, I’m hangin’ on by a fuckin’ thread here… Please…” he pleaded as I continued to struggle against him. “We did everythin’ we could, but she was just so fuckin’ small, Mia. Her lungs…”

  “NO! NO! NO!” I hysterically ranted, thrashing and whipping my body all around. Excruciating pain tore through my body this time, but I couldn’t stop. Ripping the IV line out of my hand as my fists beat into his chest harder with each punch.

  He took every blow as if he knew he deserved it.

  I wanted him to hurt.

  I needed to fucking hurt him.

  He caught my wrists mid-hit, tugging me toward his body. Holding me against his chest, against his heart. Against the agony and grief that would always live inside of him.

  “You’re lying! You’re fucking lying! You did this! Why?! Why would you do this to me?! I thought you loved me! I thought you loved her! You wanted this, didn’t you?! Why you fucking bastard?! Because you weren’t the fucking father?! Let go of me! All of this is your fault! I should have never been there! She would be alive if you didn’t fucking bring me to that goddamn house! For what?! My safety?! Look how well that turned out, you fucking murderer!” I sobbed violently, desperately trying to push him off of me.

  Melting down.

  Losing all my strength.

  My strength to fight, my strength to live and most of all my strength to fucking love him.

  “Baby, I’m so fuckin’ sorry… I loved her… I love you… you know that, Mia… you fuckin’ know that… if I could switch places wit’ her, I would… please… baby… please… I can’t lose you, too.”

  His words felt like acid on my skin as I stared into his sorrowful eyes. Silently pleading for my forgiveness. “You killed her! You killed my baby! I hate you! Do you hear me?! I fucking hate you!” I spewed, meaning every word.

  “Fuck, Pippin! You’re bleedin’ again! Please, baby, calm down!”

  The harder he held me, the more I wanted to hurt him. The more I wanted to break him. The more I wanted to die. The next thing I knew the back doors to the van roughly slammed open and Doc came into focus. I hadn’t even realized we’d stopped.

  “Doc! Where is she?! Please… let me hold her… let me touch her… please, Doc… please give her to me…” I begged, reaching for him.

  Needing him to understand.

  “Shhh…” he soothed in a gentle tone, stepping into the van, making his way toward me. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s alright,” he coaxed, caressing the side of my face as he sat down beside me. Wiping away my sweat and tears. Nodding to Creed to let me go.  Reluctantly, he finally did.

  I narrowed my eyes at Doc, trying to take him in. Something wasn’t right, something felt off. It was then I saw the syringe hiding behind his back.

  “No… No… No…” I panicked, vigorously shaking my head. Scooting back as far away as I could from the both of them. Hugging my knees to my chest. Looking down at the blood on the blankets but not caring it was coming from me. My head continued to rapidly shake. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” I chanted over and over again, rocking back and forth. Mumbling incoherently. Trying to comfort myself as best as I could.

  “Mia,” Doc murmured, touching me.

  I swatted his hand away, covering my ears. “No! No! No! No!” I endlessly screamed. Tucking my head in my knees, curling up in a ball. Hands touched me everywhere and all at once, causing me to fight harder. Pain coursed through my entire body, my head throbbed, and my vision twisted.

  “Mia! Fuckin’ stop!” Creed yelled from above me. “You’re only hurtin’ yourself!”

  “She’s in shock!” I heard Doc say. “Her body’s in fight or flight mode! Her pain doesn’t even matter at this point. Her body’s just movin’ on autopilot mode!”

  “Nooooo!” I cried out. “No… no… no… no… no…” I sobbed, my body shaking uncontrollably. Convulsing to the point of pain.

  “Mia, sweetheart, you need to stay with me. You need to calm down,” Doc added as I shoved their hands away. Pushing at the grips they both had on me. Flailing my arms.

  “Don’t touch me! Don’t fucking touch me!” I screamed, violently lashing out. Causing even more pain to wreak havoc on my entire body. The sounds of the machines beeping all around me were ear-piercing. “Don’t fucking touch me!” I repeated, yelling bloody murder.

  “Grab her legs!” Doc demanded from beside me. “Help me grab her arms!”

  “No! No! No! No!” I whipped around every which way, but they were too strong for me. “Please… please… please…” I bawled like a baby, my emotions overtaking me. Smothering me in nothing but a sea of loneliness and despair.

  A sharp prick entered my bicep. My body fell slack, heavy, and foreign as soon as a familiar warm sensation began surging through me from my head down to my toes. Creed’s strong arms circled my body, engulfing me in his scent. Pulling me to lie on his chest.