Page 36 of Road to Nowhere (Road to Nowhere 1)

  This was more than I ever thought she’d share with me. I took in everything she was saying, wanting to soak up as much information as I could when it came to Creed.

  “I tried to do the best I could with raising them right when all they saw was wrongdoings. I hated every time I had to clean blood off their clothes. As they became older it became more relevant. Jameson was teaching the boys to shoot guns and fight, drink and smoke cigarettes. He should have been teaching them how to ride bikes and play ball. So, I just made sure they knew how to respect a woman, how to wrap it up, and how to protect and provide for their families.”

  “You did the best you could under the circumstances. Creed and Noah are strong, confident men. They love with all their hearts. You did good, Diane.”

  “Thank you. It’s nice to hear that. I was able to have more time with Creed, but with Noah and Luke…” She peered down at her lap, her demeanor quickly changing. “Well… I just made some bad choices. Noah was the one who suffered the most because of it. With Luke… I failed him. And it took a very long time to accept that and move on. Be there for my boys who needed me.”

  “What happened to Luk—”

  “Anyhow, this isn’t about me. I want to know about you. The boys have filled me in but they’re men—they hardly understand anything.”

  I nodded, allowing her to change the subject. She already told me so much, I didn’t want to cause her any more pain than what she obviously carried.

  I smiled, easing her anxiety. “My family is really strict. I’m the baby and the only girl. I have two older brothers who watch me like guard dogs, exactly how my dad trained them to. From what my papa has told me, my dad was a handful growing up. Put my mom through a lot in their adolescent years. I think he’s just making sure I don’t go through what she did. I don’t know… it makes no sense.”

  “You’re his baby girl. I often wonder if it would have been different had I given Jameson a girl. Your daddy is just protective over you. And sweetheart, I can almost guarantee Noah will be worse with her. Not to mention poor baby girl’s got Creed, too.”

  I chuckled, “Yeah…” Placing my hand on my belly, knowing what she said couldn’t have been more accurate. “The night I went to the clubhouse, I just wanted a night to be normal. Have fun and not worry about who I was disappointing… or what my parents’ wanted me to do. Noah was charming, handsome, funny… he was what I needed that night. One thing led to another and we made this baby girl.” I gestured to my belly. “Noah was my first… I hadn’t ever… and we used protection… but Creed and I weren’t together. I promise.”

  “How did you meet Creed? You guys are nine years apart, right?”

  I nervously laughed, breathing out, “Yes.”

  She shrugged, relieving my worry. “Age is just a number. Jameson is a lot older than I am, too. I was eleven when I fell in love with him, and he was nowhere near my age. Didn’t stop him from claiming me when I was fifteen.”

  “Huh, I guess it was something like that for Creed and me, too. Except, he pushed me away every chance he got, constantly telling me he was no good. When all I wanted was to be his friend. He always looked like he needed one of those.”

  “Creed is his own worst enemy. My boy has been through so much, and I’m to blame for a lot of it. It took me a long time to accept that as well.”

  “I met him in the parking lot of my momma’s restaurant when I was nine years old, but he was friends with my older brother, Mason. They actually went into the military together. Mason is still there. Over the years, I just saw him in passing. Until one night everything changed, and it kind of turned into a domino effect. Now… here we are… I needed you to know all this. The last thing I want is for you to think I’m some sort of hussy,” I divulged, feeling a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

  She lovingly smiled at me, seeming as though what I had shared didn’t faze her. Not any of it. She squeezed my hand in reassurance. “Listen, sweetheart. I’m no one to judge. Hell, I even know what it’s like to be torn between two men. I’m not a saint, not even close. You are far from a hussy, darlin’, and I knew that the first time I saw your innocent face.” She reached up and grabbed under my chin, speaking with conviction, “I have never seen my boys this happy, and I have you to thank for that. I couldn’t have asked for a better woman to have walked into both of their lives. Regardless of the circumstances and situation y'all are in. We’re all family now, and one day, I know I will be proud to call you my daughter. I am over the moon you are carrying my grandbaby.” She stood, kissing the top of my head. Leaving me to finish eating my breakfast.

  We spent the rest of the morning sitting on the couch, getting to know each other. Giving me a little insight to her and the boys’ life. Telling me how she was a recovering alcoholic, and how she felt like the worst mother in the world for the longest time, but had spent every day since trying to make up for her past mistakes. It broke my heart hearing how Creed and Noah grew up, getting a small glimpse into their world, making me even more thankful I didn’t come from a broken family.

  “You know, I always wanted a baby girl,” she admitted, grabbing my foot to paint my toenails.

  My belly was becoming an obstacle these days. It was nice to be pampered for the afternoon, bonding with Diane. Having some much-needed girl time. Don’t get me wrong, I loved having the boys around, but I couldn’t imagine asking Creed to do this. I laughed to myself picturing my tattooed, alpha male biker, painting my nails pink.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “I even had a name picked out. Madison, which means a gift from God. We would have called her Maddie for short.”

  “Oh! I love that! Madison Jameson. Well, now you will have a grandbaby girl to spoil and do all sorts of girly stuff with.”

  She smiled, thinking about the possibilities. I could barely keep my eyes open as the afternoon kicked in, usually taking a nap around this time.

  “Oh sweetheart, why don’t you head to bed and get some rest. I’m going to finish the laundry, cook you some dinner, and head out for the night. Diesel’s supposed to take me back soon.”

  “You promise to come back, right?” I asked, dragging myself off the couch.

  “Of course. I had such a great time with you today. Now you go take a nap.”

  “Thanks so much, Diane. For everything.” I gave her a hug goodbye and went to lay down on Creed’s bed. Passing out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

  By the time I woke up, Diane was gone. I spent the rest of the day by myself, dozing off sometime in the evening. When I woke up again, I yawned, stretching my arms above my head, craning my neck to see the time on the alarm clock. It was almost midnight and still no sign of Creed. Most of the time I would just lie in his bed, reading or watching movies. Snuggling up with his pillow that smelled like him, making me feel less alone. Waiting anxiously for him to return to the place I now called home. I hadn’t seen him in a few days, and I missed him terribly.

  Time just seemed to drag on when he wasn’t around.

  I took a hot shower and changed into some cotton shorts and a tank. The only time I ever wore revealing clothing these days was when I was going to sleep. There were too many men walking in and out of the house, day and night. The last thing I wanted was to start problems, knowing it wouldn’t end well with my boyfriend. Creed preferred my clingy fuckin’ clothes, as he called them. He said he loved the way I felt when he would slip into bed with me in the middle of the night when he made it back. Always coming home in the darkness, making me often wonder if returning so late had something to do with my family. Maybe it was easier to leave during the night, unnoticed.

  I shook off the thought. Brushed my teeth, getting ready for bed, when my stomach began to rumble. After finishing my nightly routine, I walked down to the kitchen for a late-night snack. Baby girl wanted some ice cream like she did almost every night.

  “Diesel, did you eat all my mint chocolate chip ice cream? I see you eyeing it every time I’m eating,” I gigg

led, hearing his loud, clanking boots descending down the hallway.

  He didn’t answer. No surprise there. I closed the freezer door and started rummaging through the cabinets instead. When I suddenly felt his presence close behind me. The smell of alcohol muffled by the stench of a woman’s cheap perfume assaulted my senses. My breathing hitched when the warmth of his chest pressed against my bare back, my eyes falling to his hands resting against the counter at my sides.

  “You wear that little get up for me, pretty girl?” Rebel reached up, skimming my shoulder to grab the box of Cheerios. Setting it on the granite surface in front of me, he leaned in close to my ear. His breath hit the side of my neck, causing shivers to course through my entire body. “I’m hungry, Mia. You gonna feed me?” he rasped, softly caressing along my arm, leaving goose bumps in his wake. A groan escaped his lips, igniting a tingling feeling deep within my belly.

  Where did that come from?

  I abruptly turned around, causing him to move away from me rather quickly. Taking the box of cereal with him. Our eyes connected. He sucked in his lower lip, tugging it between his teeth, looking me up and down with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. Grinning as he popped pieces of Cheerios in his mouth, slowly chewing in a way only Noah could make look sensual. He’d never been this forward with me before, but I knew it was the alcohol talking.

  “You look good, Mia.”

  I nodded, smiling. “I feel good.”

  “I know.” He winked. “I remember.”

  “When did you get back?” I asked, ignoring his last remark.

  “About an hour ago. Thought you were sleepin’, didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Were you with a girl?” I blurted, mentally kicking myself for it.

  He arrogantly smiled. “What if I was? It bother you?”

  “No.”

  “No, huh?”

  “What you do with your personal life, Rebel, is none of my business.”

  His glossy eyes zoned in on me, trying to see if I was lying. “You're awful cute when you’re jealous. Even if I was, it don’t matter. She ain't the one I want.”

  I didn’t have to ask whom he wanted. I knew he was referring to me. “Rebel, you can’t—”

  He was in my face, pushing me further into the counter. Caging me in with his arms, a little too close for comfort. “What, Mia? What can’t I fuckin’ do?”

  “You’re drunk. Go to bed and sleep it off.”

  “Only if you tuck me in.”

  “Reb—”

  “You ever think about that night? The night I made you mine. I was the first man to ever make you come… wanna know how I could tell? Cuz of the way your tight pussy squeezed the fuck out of my fingers. You’d been waitin’ for it. Fuckin’ cravin’ it. You always remember your first, Mia,” he stated in a low, raspy tone. Brushing his fingers along my belly. “I’m already inside of you, sweetheart.”

  The same unfamiliar feeling resurfaced again, deep within my core. I should have moved or pushed him away, but I couldn’t get my arms or feet to move. It was as if I was watching a train wreck right in front of me, unable to look away. His touch seemed so familiar, and that confused me more than anything. There was something about him in that moment that captivated me, drawing me into his hypnotic pull.

  His lips pursed together like he knew what I was thinking, what I was feeling. An internal struggle he was causing.

  “I’m Creed’s,” I simply stated, for I don’t know who in particular.

  “We’ll see.” With that, he pushed away from the counter, backing up. Never taking his eyes off me until he had to, leaving me with nothing but unease.

  I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. Thinking about what the meaning of his last words could have meant. They lingered all night, along with the feeling he stirred inside of me. I guess it would be normal to have some feelings for the father of my child, but it wasn’t only that.

  I admired Noah.

  I liked having him around. I enjoyed talking to him, even though it was always a one-sided conversation. He never answered any of my questions about his life, only wanting to know about mine. He listened when I spoke, and not in that I have to be polite kind of way. He really wanted to know as much as he could about me.

  At first, I thought he felt obligated since I was the mother of his baby, but tonight proved to be something else entirely. I mean, I allowed him to touch my belly all the time. It wasn’t anything new. He would do it every chance he got, saying he was talking to his baby girl. Forming a bond before she came into the world. She even started responding to the sound of his voice by kicking or moving around when he spoke. I didn’t think anything of it at first. He was the father. Her father. Touching her, not me. At least that was the way I saw it, though now I wasn’t so sure.

  Whatever it was, I needed to put a stop to it. At the end of the day, I loved Creed. I’d always loved Creed.

  He had my heart.

  I woke up the next morning by myself in a haze from the lack of sleep. Reaching over, feeling the cold sheets beside me. Wanting nothing more than Creed’s arms holding me close. The warmth he radiated, to cover me like a blanket, barricading me with his love. I laid there staring at the speckled ceiling, coming to the decision to not tell him about what happened between Noah and me, the night before. It was pointless. It wouldn’t do any good, and the last thing I wanted was to come between two brothers.

  I needed to clear the air with Noah. Make it known that we were just friends. Close friends. And that we had a baby girl to raise together, that was it. Last night couldn’t happen again. I thought about it all morning, going about my normal rituals—eating breakfast, lounging on the couch, reading a book, getting lost in a captivating story, while I waited for Noah to wake up. It was well into the afternoon by the time he finally came out of his room. Part of me thought he might have been avoiding me. Although, I hoped it was just from him being too hungover and needing to sleep a good part of the day away.

  He froze in the doorway when he saw me sprawled out on the couch, glancing up from my book. Trying to keep his emotions in check as he stood there in nothing but a pair of gym shorts, hanging low on his hips. His muscular arms crossed over his chest, his body already covered in tattoos, much like his brother’s. He started rubbing the back of his head like he was lost in thought, peering all over the room looking for answers. A few awkward seconds passed by before he finally made his way over to me, still not uttering a word.

  I threw my book on the coffee table, turning to sit sideways to look at him, tucking my legs underneath me as he took a seat beside me.

  “Mia, I-I-I…” he stammered, figuring out what to say first. Struggling to gather his thoughts. He shook his head, locking eyes with me, sighing, “I was drunk. I know that’s no fuckin’ excuse, but it’s all I got.”

  “I know.”

  “No you don’t. Not even fuckin’ close.”

  “Rebel, you can’t—”

  “I know what it’s like growin’ up in a broken home. I know violence, and I know blood. That’s it,” he said out of nowhere, pausing to allow his words to sink in. “Never met anyone like you. I was drawn to you the second your pretty face walked into the clubhouse that night. Stickin’ out like a sore fuckin’ thumb. You didn’t belong there. Not in that life. I knew it wouldn’t take long for one of the brothers to come at you, you’re fuckin’ beautiful. The club whores I grew up around, don’t hold a fuckin’ flame to you. I couldn’t ask for a better girl to be carryin’ my kid. I don’t regret that night, cuz you’re the one fuckin’ thing I’ve ever done right.”

  I took a deep breath, overwhelmed by his confession.

  “Can’t believe that’s a surprise to you. You’re fuckin’ perfect, Mia. The more I’m around you, the more I want to be around you. Don’t give a fuck if this makes me sound like a pussy, cuz you’re worth it.”

  “Jesus, Noah.”

  “I know it’s a lot to take in. Been keepin’ that shit bottled up for so fuck

in’ long. You needed to hear it, and I needed to fuckin’ say it to you.”

  “Broken home?” I found myself asking. Thinking back on what Diane had told me the day before.

  He shook his head, huffing out, “You don’t know a damn thing about Creed, do you? Cuz if you did, you’d know how we grew up.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “No shit. Life ain’t fair. If it were, you’d be mine right now. Not with Creed. He knows nothin’ about you. You’re just playin’ fuckin’ house.”

  “Rebel, I’m your brother’s girl. End of story. I don’t want to come between the two of you. But to be fair, you don’t tell me anything about your life, either. So if you’re going to throw damn stones, it’s best not to live in a glass house,” I sincerely spoke, causing his expression to harden right before my eyes. “Creed loves me.”

  “You’d be hard to not love, pretty girl.” He leaned over, placing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

  I jerked back, moving away from him. “You can’t say shit like that to me. It’s not right.”

  “Right for who? Creed? He ain’t here now, is he? I am. Sittin’ in front of you. Tellin’ you I want you on the back of my fuckin’ bike. I had you first, Mia, and I know you may not love me, but you sure as fuck have feelings for me. Try to deny it, I fuckin’ dare you.”

  I sighed, dumbfounded by the turn of events. I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about Noah. I did, very much so. He was the father of my unborn baby, how could I not. “Rebel, I know you’re going to be an amazing daddy, and I can’t tell you how grateful and lucky I am that you want to do right by her, but—”

  “I wanna do right by you, too.”

  “Then back off,” I let out harshly. My emotions started to get the best of me.

  “What if I don’t? Huh? What are you gonna do? I’m the father of your child. We made a baby, I ain't goin’ anywhere. I owe it to our girl to fight for her momma, and not even you can fuckin’ stop me.”