Page 30 of Road to Nowhere (Road to Nowhere 1)

  One minuscule second.

  One life-altering moment.

  Set the tracks in motion.

  It was what made the world go around. It allowed you to see glimpses of what could have been if you made a different choice. There were no do-overs, no matter how much you tried to reach those invisible lines and put them back in order, fixing what was broken. It would tease you, showing you the possibilities of a different outcome, but then it would laugh in your face like a cruel entity telling you it would never be.

  Not now.

  Not ever.

  Except this decision wasn’t my own. I didn't choose this. I didn't want this. I never prayed for this. My worst nightmare became my reality. In the end, it didn’t matter.

  Because this decision not only changed me, but my entire future.

  It also cost me the love of my life. The person I watched being buried deep into the ground, six feet under, where I would never see them again.

  Not one smile.

  Not one I love you.

  Not one…

  Not one…

  Not one…

  I tightly shut my eyes, listening to the rain pelt the concrete and the ratchet noise of the hoist taking everything away from me. And then, I suddenly felt him behind me.

  Everything about him hurt.

  His scent, his aura, especially his love for me.

  For us.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry,” he voiced in a tone that was filled with nothing but pain and remorse. His guilt was so thick, so consuming, I could feel it engulfing me, making it hard to breathe.

  Hard to think.

  Hard to feel.

  Right now, at this moment.

  My life ended before it ever even had a chance…

  To begin.

  While I stared at the gray granite tombstone, etched with the last name...

  Jameson.

  ONE

  *Mia*

  My eyes fluttered open just slightly, only to be met with nothing but darkness. A thick piece of fabric obstructing my view. I tried to get my arms to move, to take off the offending object, but it was no use. I was too weak. I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn’t get the words to come out. My lips were too dry, my throat was raw and burning, making it hard to swallow, let alone speak. I tried to process what was going on, what had happened, how long I had been out, but I couldn’t push through the haze. I was so tired, so dizzy, so out of it that panic couldn’t even set in.

  My head pounded heavily as if it weighed a thousand pounds. Sensing as though it was lying on someone’s lap, the rough material of my abductors pants, scraped against my cheek. All I could hear was the rumbling of a loud engine while a cool breeze swept across my face, neck, and hair. My body was warm which made me think a blanket was wrapped around me, but I was numb. All I could feel was the vibration from the uneven ground we must have been driving on.

  The vehicle felt like it never stopped climbing and turning. Right, left then right again, over and over, throwing me off course. There was no way I could keep up with the twists and turns. My sense of direction was long gone. Nothing seemed familiar, not the sounds and not the scents. I was too drowsy to function. My body continued to be jostled from the fast movements. The roads were coarse and jagged, making the ride extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant. The sound of the wind whistled in my ears as we whipped through what I thought might have been a forest because tree branches snapped under the weight of the tires. I could occasionally hear branches scraping against the roof of the car.

  They were driving so fast, as if they were getting away from someone. I couldn’t fathom why I was there, what my role was in all of this and before I could give it another thought, I blacked out again.

  My head fell back against the headrest in my Jeep, staring at the house out in front of me.

  Creed and Noah’s house.

  The irony was not lost on me. Although, I couldn’t possibly complain, it wouldn’t be fair to Noah if I did. He had stepped up in every way possible when it came to the baby girl that grew inside of me. In the process of it all, I don’t know how it happened, but we started to become close friends. I couldn't help it. I had spent more time with Noah than I ever had with Creed, in the past seven years. Ever since I first laid eyes on his tortured soul, it had always been a game of push and pull. Even just thinking about him made me smile. I sat there contemplating, trying to convince myself to walk into his childhood home for the very first time.

  Except it wouldn’t be his warm welcoming arms that wrapped around me, engulfing me with his comforting musky scent that I loved more than anything.

  It would be his brother’s.

  My baby’s father.

  The man that shouldn’t be looking at me like I was the one he’d been waiting for all his life. I’d often catch glimpses of Noah staring at me adoringly during our many doctor visits. He didn’t even try to hide it. Noah wanted our unborn child. He wanted to be a part of this journey. He wanted it all.

  A future.

  A life.

  A forever…

  Possibly with me.

  If I knew the truth, there was no way in hell Creed didn’t. The thought alone sent shivers down my spine, making the ends of my hair stand straight up. Feeling the consequences of what hadn’t happened yet, but would eventually come.

  The inevitable.

  A battle.

  For my heart.

  I learned pretty quickly that Noah was just as lost as his brother, if not more. His eyes held the same sadness that Creed’s carried all his life. A burden I could never understand or contemplate. I didn’t know anything about the Vice Prez of Devil's Rejects, other than what his eyes always showed me. What his sullen presence provided me, or what his strong, callused hands and fervent, burning lips promised me.

  His love.

  Noah was a lot like his older brother, but at the same time, they couldn’t have been more different. Like night and day, and oil and water. The more time I spent with Noah, the easier it was for me to see a side of him that I wished Creed would show me after all these years.

  His heart.

  Creed was still guarded, broody, and temperamental, and those were some of his best qualities. All I could hope for was that eventually he would open up, show me the man I knew was behind his cut all along. The man who I’d loved since I was nine years old.

  I shook off the sentiment, taking in a deep breath, closing my eyes, and placing my hand on my swollen belly. Imagining a breathtakingly beautiful baby with bright blue eyes and dark brown hair, smiling back up at me. An expression on her face that looked exactly like her father’s. A smile I couldn't help but love. Much like Creed’s.

  “Jesus, Mia, get your shit together,” I whispered to myself, wishing more than anything it was Creed’s baby girl I was carrying.

  I sighed, chastising myself. Creed’s priority was the MC, which I’d known since day one. It was more so now than ever before, or so I thought. He was traveling all over the place, day in and day out. I barely kept up with where he was, or what he was getting involved in. All I knew was he had to go whether he liked it or not. Everything changed so quickly and so suddenly.

  I never stopped thinking about him.

  I never stopped praying that he stayed safe.

  I never stopped…

  Loving him.

  I couldn’t. He was a part of me in more ways than one. He always had been. Yet to this day, I didn’t know why. It was one of those unexplainable things, a powerful magnetic pull that only he held over me.

  And he knew it.

  Using it to push me away every chance he got.

  I took one last deep breath to steady my nerves, opened the Jeep’s door, and hopped out, straightening my dress before I made my way to their front porch.

  The sonogram picture of our baby girl held tightly in my grasp. Noah wanted a girl and had been beyond excited since they told us that afternoon. He wanted to tell the world or at least hi

s mom. He’d been inviting me over to his house for the last several months, but I kept making excuses as to why I couldn’t come. I guess now was as good of a time as any to finally meet her. Secretly wishing Creed had been the one to invite me to meet his mother and not his brother.

  Noah wanted me to be a part of his world, and I think Creed only wanted to be a part of mine, if that made any sense.

  I knocked on the door and waited while looking around the front yard. Memories of the last time I was here instantly assaulted every last fiber of my being, witnessing the fallout between Creed and my father all over again. Thinking how things had changed in just four short months. At least between Noah and me. My dad still hated the boys, and felt the need to remind me often that they were nothing but biker trash, even though he knew his words hurt me. He still couldn’t look me in the eyes, and I hated that more than anything.

  “Hey, pretty girl,” Noah greeted, pulling me back to reality, moving aside to let me in.

  I shyly smiled, looking down at the ground as I walked by him.

  “I like your dress,” he added, grinning. Eyeing me up and down, taking in my white flowy maxi dress.

  I swallowed hard, locking eyes with him. The familiar mischievous spark glimmered right back at me.

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  “You get dressed up for me, Mia?”

  I smirked. “Don’t flatter yourself, Rebel.” I never called him Noah, I only knew him as Rebel. “I wanted to look nice for your momma.”

  “Don’t need to put on a dress to accomplish that.”

  I shyly smiled again, my cheeks flushing. “Are you going to show me around or just stand there and flirt with me?”

  “It ain’t flirtin’ if you’ve already slept with the girl.” He put his hand on my belly, proving his point.

  I stepped into the foyer a little further, putting some distance between us. He smiled, shaking his head, pulling the screen door shut, but leaving the other open to allow the evening summer breeze to flow in.

  “Come on.” He grabbed my hand, leading the way around his parents’ house.

  Showing me all the rooms, including his, which was just how I imagined it. A typical guy’s room complete with a big screen T.V. and PlayStation. A black bedspread ruffled on his mattress, and laundry piling up in the corner.

  He continued, walking past a closed door that I assumed was Creed’s room, not stopping to show me, much to my disappointment. It was the room I wanted to see the most, hoping it would give me more answers about the man I loved. Instead, I took the opportunity to look at all the pictures of Creed throughout the years on the walls. He was the cutest baby and little boy, looking so sweet and innocent, but I knew otherwise. Already sporting tattoos from such a young age, and a cigarette in his mouth in almost every picture shortly after.

  “This house is beautiful. Your momma did a great job making it feel so homey and loving.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me as if what I’d just said had been anything but the truth.

  “Oh my God, Noah, is this you?” I pointed to the baby boy straddling a mini-motorcycle. Creed stood next to the bike, holding another little boy that looked a few years younger in a headlock.

  “Who is this?” I pointed to the mystery boy, noticing another picture of him on the wall with a rosary hanging from the frame.

  “Our brother, Luke.” Noah simply stated, not elaborating.

  “I didn’t know you guys had another brother.” I glanced over at him dumbfounded.

  “We don’t. Not anymore.”

  “Mia!” A woman’s voice, who I assumed was their mother’s, echoed down the long narrow hallway into the living room where we stood. She immediately pulled me into a tight hug. “So nice to officially meet you, honey. I’ve heard so much about you and your family, I feel like I already know you.”

  I hugged her back, pushing back the thoughts of the Jameson boy I didn’t even know existed. Making a mental note to ask Creed about it later.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you, too. But please don’t believe everything you hear from Creed, he—”

  “Creed?” She pulled away, cocking her head to the side. “You mean Noah?”

  I shook my head. “Right.” Playing it off like I said the wrong name, trying to hide the hurt expression on my face. “I mean, don’t believe everything Noah has told you. He—”

  “Hasn’t said anything but the truth. You’re perfect, Mia. Couldn’t ask for a better girl.”

  I smiled again, ignoring the sentiment in his tone. Handing his momma the sonogram picture in my hand. “Congratulations, Grandma. It’s a girl!”

  She beamed, staring down at the photo with the same expression my mom had when she saw it earlier that day. Her eyes welled up with unshed tears. Before I could give it too much thought, Noah tugged me into the nook of his arm, close to the side of his body. My hand subconsciously connected with his firm, muscular chest. Steadying myself.

  From an outsider looking in, we probably appeared to be a couple. I nervously laughed. Silently thanking God that Creed wasn’t there to witness this particular scene playing out. He would flip his shit if he saw—

  I jolted awake from the unexpected bump we hit on the road, followed by a strong hand placed on my head in a comforting gesture, pulling me away from the day that was supposed to be nothing but happiness.

  “Fuck! She’s waking up! Fucking hell, just keep her quiet,” I heard a male’s voice I didn’t recognize, shouting from behind me.

  We weren’t alone.

  I opened my mouth to scream, but quickly shut it when I felt a needle poke my thigh, and warmth spread throughout my entire core in a matter of seconds.

  “Heeellllp me,” I whispered as loud as I could to no avail.

  “Shhh…” the voice of the person who was rubbing my head coaxed near my face.

  I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer to care, closing on their own. My body instantly went lax as sleep took over once again.

  TWO

  *Mia*

  All eyes turned to him, stepping inside the house in that Creed sort of way. Dominant and overbearing, demanding that his presence be acknowledged by all.

  Especially me.

  “Creed, honey, what are you doing here?” his mom greeted him with a smile.

  “Since when do I need an invitation to come home? I interruptin’ somethin’, Noah?” he snapped. His eyes burned holes into his brother’s arm that was still placed around me, which only provoked Noah to hold me tighter.

  I warily smiled at Creed, casually stepping away from Noah. I didn’t want to hurt Noah’s feelings. I tried to gauge Creed’s reaction as to how I should proceed. My heart was beating out of my chest so hard. I swear he could hear it.

  “Of course you don’t,” their mom chimed in. “I just assumed you’d be at the club, honey, since you just got back this afternoon. Oh, you have to see this!” she yelped in excitement, rushing over to him. Things couldn’t have gotten worse than they were at that exact moment. “Mia brought this over with her. Look, honey! It’s a girl! We’re having a girl!”

  He grabbed the photo out of her hand, looking down at my baby girl in his grasp. I wanted him to love her. I wanted him to love her just as much as I did without even having met her yet. The desire seeped out of my pores. He wasn’t the father, but it didn’t mean that I didn’t want him to feel protective over her like she was his own. She was still a part of him. My uncles may not be blood-related to me, but I loved them all like second fathers, and I prayed it would be the same for my baby girl and Creed, too.

  There were no words to describe what I felt while the love of my life held my heart in his hands. His eyes scanned the sonogram picture, mesmerized by the tiny being, and for a moment I thought I saw everything I’d been hoping for since the second I found out I was pregnant.

  It was my turn to beam.

  He finally peered back up at me with daunting eyes. Breaking his silence, he spewed, “Your phone broke, Pippin? Was workin?

?? last night when you told me you missed me. Funny how those things work, yeah?”

  My hopefulness quickly faded, not expecting his response. I stepped forward, roughly taking my baby girl’s first photo out of his hands.

  “Bro, don’t see the reason why she has to call ya, you ain’t the father,” Noah snidely replied, making matters worse.

  “Boys…” their mom warned, looking back and forth between them. “Mia came over with some great news. You both check your testosterone at the door. You hear me? Not tonight. Dinner’s going to be a while. Behave. I’m going to call Stacey and Laura and tell them we’re having a girl.”

  She gave both of them one last stern look and left, walking into the kitchen. Noah’s phone rang as soon as she left, breaking the uncomfortable silence between us all.

  “Yeah,” Noah answered, walking out of the room.

  As soon as he was no longer in sight, Creed grabbed my hand, taking me by surprise. He rushed me into his room, shutting the door behind him. Not wasting any time, he leaned up against it and folded his arms over his broad chest.

  I sighed, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Mentally preparing myself for his wrath that I knew was about to be unleashed. Not getting the chance I’d been waiting for to look around his room even just for a second.

  “Creed…” I coaxed just above a whisper.

  He put his hand up in the air, stopping me, cocking his head to the side. “You got one minute to fuckin’ explain what the fuck was that?” He sternly pointed to the door behind him. “Before I lose my shit. Don’t got any patience left for fuckin’ bullshit tonight, Pippin. Fuckin’ exhausted, been on my bike all goddamn day to come home to you. Only to find you at my Ma’s house with my brother’s arm around you like you’re his fuckin’ property. When you’re mine,” he gritted out, emphasizing the last word.

  I acted fast, kicking off my wedges and sitting up on my knees in the center of his bed. Gazing adoringly up at him through my lashes, biting my bottom lip for good measure. I picked up the sides of my dress, swaying it side-to-side. Giving him that look which he was more than familiar with.