Page 34 of El Pecador (Saint-Sinner 2)

  It was all a lie.

  One big fucking lie.

  “So, Roman, huh? Was he the one that told you to play hard to get? Knowing it would only lead you back into my fucking bed?”

  “What? No! Roman has nothing to do with this. He was just my handler on the force. I was so young when I joined the FBI, so they paired him with me. I told you he taught me everything I know.”

  “Yeah, with fucking corruption! Not with the fucking law!” I snapped, feeling as though I was losing my mind.

  “I know… I know…” She surrendered her hands back up in the air in a yielding gesture. “Just hear me out. Please, just give me a chance to explain. I will tell you everything.”

  “Explain what? How you played me for a goddamn fool?!” I wanted to physically hurt her, so I grabbed my whiskey glass instead and threw it as hard as I could against the wall, spraying the contents everywhere. Shards of glass shattered in every direction.

  “No! I love you, Damien. I. Love. You,” she repeated, emphasizing each word, wanting me to understand, trying to get through to me.

  I swallowed hard, and with the coldest, detached voice I could muster, I strained, “How many laughs did you and Roman have on my behalf? Were you fucking him the entire time? Hmmm? I got you wet and he finished the job?”

  “That’s not what happened. Roman was my partner. We grew close, it was only natural after working side by side for almost ten goddamn years. He knew about you, but nothing happened between us until years later. We were never really together, at least not emotionally. I loved him, but I was never in love with him, and he knew it without me having to say it. Roman always knew my heart belonged to you, even when I didn’t want it to.”

  Truth?

  Or more lies?

  I could sense my resolve breaking. “After what I told you about Evita, how could you do this to me?”

  “I know the situations seem similar, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. That’s not what I did, Damien. I tried to push you away. You know I did. It wasn’t an act like her. You spent months pursuing me, and I pushed you away every single time. Even though it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Everything I felt, everything I told you, was all true. It was how I felt, it was how you made me feel. I hated you, but I loved you even more.”

  “Then what part was an act? Huh? What portion of you is a bullshit liar?”

  She frowned and I could see the trepidation in her eyes as she stepped toward me, causing the barrel of my gun to drive into her heart. And as much as I wanted to step back, I couldn’t get my feet to move. My body was adamant on wanting her to touch me, feel her against me. Our stares never wavered from each other as she slowly started to move her hand toward my chest, softly placing it over my heart, which hadn’t stopped beating a mile a minute since I found out the truth.

  With unwavering eyes, she revealed, “You were right since day one, I don’t belong in that world. It’s why I’ve been doing everything in my power to bring it down.”

  I jerked back, winded by her simple yet pungent response. It packed a hell of a fucking punch.

  “I wanted to bring justice to the people whose families were torn apart by nothing but violence. I’ve put so many Emilio’s behind bars, and each time, it felt like I was slowly making myself whole again. I did this for them, Damien. For my family. Not you. I was never after you,” she paused, letting her words sink in. Giving me time to process what she had just shared.

  Amira looked at me with an expression I had never seen before. One of pure devastation, so thick I could almost choke on it. I swallowed hard, the bile rising in my throat. With just a few words, my hatred toward her lessened in a matter of seconds.

  “Don’t you see? It was one of the reasons I tried to keep you away from me. I never wanted to involve you in anything. It was never about you. I didn’t know you’d be in Detroit that night, I was just as blindsided as you were. I was so conflicted with seeing you sitting there after all those years, and it just fucked with me. I ended up overreacting to what that prick Vinny said to me mostly because I wanted to impress you but also show you who I had become, hoping it would steer you away. I took my frustrations out on Vinny when all I wanted to do was fucking scream at you. It turned into this massive war, and then, once we got back to my place, it turned into an even bigger battle. A huge part of me wanted to tell you the truth that night, why I was there to begin with, but you know how this life works, Damien. I’m undercover, and at that point, I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my career for you. Everything I’d worked so hard for after you left me. I had finally made a life for myself. A life you would be proud of if the circumstances had been different.” There was so much sincerity in her voice, I couldn’t tell the difference between fact or fiction.

  I wanted to believe her… God, I wanted to believe her. However, the truth was blatantly staring me in the fucking face.

  Mocking me.

  I stepped back, placing the gun at my side. I crouched down to grab the documents off the floor, and held them up in the air between us. “Then why the fuck is there a file on me? What fucking story do you have for that?”

  She sighed, “Damien, what did you expect? They knew you were at the warehouse in Detroit. Jesus, you left with me, remember? Even after I persistently told you to leave me behind. There was no telling you what to do, you said so yourself. You would have dragged my ass into your car and made me go with you. What choice did I have? You didn’t give me one.”

  She scanned my eyes, searching for the man who loved her more than anything in this world. Proving it time after time. For the first moment in my life, I didn’t know where that man was. He’d been replaced by the fucking monster who would always live inside of me.

  I just never imagined Amira would ever be one of my countless victims.

  “So where have you been hiding the wire? Can’t be your pussy, I spend most of my time inside of you,” I crudely replied, wanting to hurt her.

  “I fucking lied, Damien! Do you hear me? I lied to my superiors. I covered for you. I told them you had opened your own case and you were trying to collect evidence. Remember my meeting with Vlad? The one you so arrogantly fucking crashed! I was trying to take the heat off your trail by going after him, since he was there in Detroit too. Make sense now? Is it all coming together for you? Or do you need me to bend over and fucking cough, you asshole!”

  I scoffed out a chuckle, I couldn’t help it. Her saucy fucking mouth always drove it out of me.

  “I never told them a damn thing about you. Not one fucking thing. And then, what happened at Vlad’s place after the fight, you saving me… you looked like a hero again and they backed off. They stopped asking me questions about you. Moving on to bigger cases since there wasn’t one against you. I also took some much needed time off to take care of you. I haven’t gone back, and to be completely honest, I didn’t know if I was going to. Want to guess why?”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, clenching my jaw.

  “Because once again, I’m choosing you over everything.”

  Our connection never strayed from one another while I took in everything she had divulged. The goddamn day had been one fucking thing after another. When Giselle handed me those files, I never in a million fucking years expected it to be filled with information on Amira and me. Giselle just had happened to be at her daddy’s office a few days prior to calling me and saw a picture of Amira. She recognized her from the news after I was shot and killed. Detective McGraw had files on the incident since Noah Jameson was involved and resided in his jurisdiction. They eventually landed on his fucking desk, having to keep a close eye on Noah, seeing as it was still an open case several months later.

  Giselle had no idea who or what Amira was to me, other than being the woman I saved at Vlad’s, who happened to be an undercover agent, according to her fucking file. I never told Giselle about the shit I involved myself in, but I guess I didn’t have to. She’d been to my club, she knew the men I associated

myself with. All she said was she wanted to warn me, give me the head’s up that I was possibly a target. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked as shit she was able to convince her father to share this information, but it shouldn’t have stunned me that much. Giselle always got her way, especially when it came to her daddy. It was why we had to stop at the barbeque, he was giving her copies of the files.

  After she dropped the fucking bomb on my head, I took the first flight out of Oak fucking Island, which I loathed now more than ever before. Spending the next three and a half hours on the plane, drinking my life away, reading the documents over and over like they would miraculously change into something they weren’t. Trying to talk myself down.

  Before I knew it, I was home.

  “Were you ever going to tell me the truth?” I questioned, needing that final answer.

  She hesitantly nodded. “Yes. I was going to tell you everything. It was part of your surprises I had planned before I knew you were leaving.”

  “My surprises?” I asked, forgetting all about those.

  As if on cue, we both heard the floor creak, and I instinctively raised my gun toward the doorway. Coming face to face with a young girl whose wide hazel eyes would now be seared into the darkness of my world.

  For the second time in my life.

  My finger was steady on the trigger, aiming the gun directly toward her head. Dragging me back to another place in time where I first met my girl.

  Amira.

  “Damien, nooooo!” Amira screamed in terror, knocking the gun out of my hand as if her life depended on it. Dropping my fucking surprise on me.

  “She’s yours, Damien! She’s our daughter!”

  With Rosarío walking up behind her, very much alive.

  THIRTY-NINE

  DAMIEN

  I stood there unable to move again, but for a much different reason this time. My eyes shot to Amira, stunned and speechless.

  “She’s yours, Damien! She’s our daughter!”

  Playing over and over in my mind trying to get a grasp on what the fuck had just happened.

  I have a daughter?

  Before I could contemplate the situation any further, my daughter ran through my destruction into my arms, causing me to stumble backward. My body felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds from the unexpected turn of events I never saw coming. Not even for a second.

  “Oh my goodness! I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long!” she excitingly exclaimed, making me weak in the knees. I stared at Rosarío from across the room with tears in her eyes. A wave of overwhelming emotions coming over the both of us as we were reunited. Alive and breathing.

  I instinctively embraced her back, without even thinking about it, hugging her as tight as I could against my chest. Trying my best to hold it together. I loved her instantly with a force far greater than anything I’d ever experienced before. She was the first to pull away, and I resisted the urge to pull her back toward me and never let her go. I fucking gasped at the sight of her, holding her at an arm’s length to get a good look at the young girl who was mine. She was breathtakingly beautiful, exactly like Amira, except she had my darker complexion and wavy hair. Everything else down to her petite frame, to the features on her face, especially her bright smile was her mother’s.

  “Mom and Mami Rosa have told me all about you.” She beamed, taking me in as well with great, big loving eyes. Looking directly into mine. “I can’t believe I’m finally here! Mom has been trying to get us transferred to Miami for over a year, but it kept taking forever because of the stupid protection protocol with her job. We were stuck in that lame safe house in New Hampshire after her latest assignment with the drug lords.” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. She showcased my lack of filter when it came to always speaking my mind. “But, duh… you already know that. Mom says you know everything, and you were just as pissed as we were that they couldn’t move us faster.”

  I locked stares with Amira next to me who was hugging herself in a comforting gesture, with tears in her eyes. Her expression told me everything I needed to know. She had included me in our daughter’s life in the only way she knew how. I wanted to be livid with her, although at this point, it wouldn’t change anything I left her behind in Cuba, knowing I’d made love to her over and over again. Spending most of the night inside of her, never once using protection. I hadn’t even considered it or thought about the possible consequences of my poor decision making. As much as it physically pained me that I wasn’t there to see her grow up, I had no one to blame but myself. I understood why Amira didn’t reach out to me.

  Why would she, after what I did?

  I never hated myself more than I did in that moment.

  “Anyway… I just want you to know that I’m really excited and happy to finally meet you! Mom tells me all the time I’m just like you. I wish I could have met you sooner, but she told me how you left Cuba to get away from the dictator man. That he wanted to kill you like he did my grandparents and aunt.” She shuffled her feet through some of the disaster I caused prior to her arrival. Fidgeting with the seam of her pretty white dress. “She told me how you saved her and took care of her for all those years. How much you loved her and protected her from the monster. How you wished you could have taken her and Mami Rosa with you to America, but the stupid government wouldn’t let you.” She rolled her eyes again. “I don’t like them, they’re like mom’s superiors. Always trying to control other people’s lives.”

  I blinked away my tears and cleared my throat. “I would have loved that more than anything.”

  “I know, Daddy. I mean…” She blushed, catching what she had called me. “I can call you that, right?” She looked up at me, impatiently waiting for my answer. Reminding me so much of her mother when she was her age. She used to attentively gaze up at me in the exact same way.

  With wholehearted love.

  With utter devotion.

  With complete admiration.

  As if I was the only person who ever mattered to her in the whole entire world.

  Words couldn’t describe how I felt in that second, so I simply replied with, “Sweetheart, I’d be honored.”

  She threw her arms around me again, laying her head over my heart. “Mom spent years trying to find you. So did Uncle Roman.”

  I shut my eyes wrapping her in my embrace, feeling a sense of deep loss settling over me. Realizing Roman helped raise my responsibility. The truth sliced me open, causing more damage than any knife could ever inflict. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I didn’t know where to start, where to end, or where this even left us.

  Could we come back from something so life changing?

  My eyes watered, my lips quivered, and my whole body felt like it was falling apart with my daughter in my arms. Which only made me hate myself even more, because I knew I brought this on myself. I was the reason she felt like she had no other choice. No other decision to be made.

  I. Did. This.

  “Andromeda, let’s give Damien—your dad—a few minutes to himself. You are quite a surprise to take in, sweetheart. Plus, I think he’d like to visit with Mami Rosa, they haven’t seen each other in a very long time. Let me show you where you can get settled and unpacked,” Amira chimed in, sensing I was fucking dying inside.

  I instantly opened my eyes, connecting with her grief-ridden stare. “Andromeda?” I mouthed to her.

  She apprehensively nodded, biting her bottom lip. The agony in my heart took over. There wasn’t one ounce of my body that didn’t throb with every emotion known to man. Some I recognized, others were foreign.

  Feeling so fucking empty.

  So fucking hollow.

  So fucking lost.

  Andromeda hugged me tighter before she turned to Amira. “Okay, Mom.” She was about to leave the room, but I pulled her back into my arms one last time.

  Embracing my daughter with everything I had left in me. Kissing the top of her head. “I’ve never wanted anything as mu

ch as I’ve wanted you,” I repeated the same words I had spoken to her mother the night she was conceived.

  She smiled with glossy eyes, glancing up at me. “I know. I love you too, Daddy.”

  With that, she went to Amira and they left the room, shutting the door behind them to give us some privacy. Leaving me alone with Rosarío, who looked as distraught and torn as I felt.

  She didn’t hesitate in muttering, “Mi niño.” Her voice breaking as soon as she said, “My boy.” Like she’d been holding it in for the last fourteen years.

  “I thought…” I tried to say what I wanted to express, failing miserably. Even with her standing in front of me, alive. I still couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words to her. “I thought… you were… de—”

  “I know.”

  And that was all it took for me to break. I fell to my knees in pain, I couldn’t take it anymore and started crying. My resolve shattered like a chain being stretched to the max. The shackles that had been tied around my ankles, snapped loudly. I always thought it would be Amira who would free me from the darkness of my life, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was my daughter.

  Our blood.

  Our love.

  The woman who raised me like I was her own rushed to my side, and my body fell forward. Hugging her hard around her waist. Clutching onto her, trying to find my bearings.

  My composure.

  My mind.

  “Shhh… it’s okay, mi niño, it’s okay,” she murmured, rubbing my back. “It’s okay. I know… I know, Damien…” Understanding I couldn’t breakdown like this in front of Amira. It was an emotion only a mother could evoke.