Page 12 of El Santo (Saint-Sinner 1)

  Her voice echoed again, but I couldn’t make out where it was coming from. Humming through the house, vibrating deep into my bones. Feeling as if it was now a part of me.

  “I want to be with you! I do! I’m sorry! I won’t hide!”

  “You’re the reason they’re all dead,” the monster roared, his face morphing into my papi’s. Then transforming into a pair of familiar eye’s that I knew all too well. Except they weren’t Damien’s, they were his dad’s. Barring into mine like they had this evening.

  I franticly shook my head, silently praying it would make them go away. Immediately feeling guilty for everything past and present.

  “What? I did what you said!” I shouted with tears in my eyes. Raking my hands through my hair as I breathed out profusely. Unable to control any of my emotions from what was happening in front of me.

  I blinked again and they all started walking toward me, only now they were covered in blood. It was pouring out of the holes in their heads, soaking every inch of their skin. My hands instantly covered my mouth so I wouldn’t scream.

  I was terrified.

  But at the same time, I was grateful they were there with me.

  I never wanted them to go.

  I didn’t want them to die.

  When I glanced down at my hands, their blood was all over my skin.

  “Damien? Where are you, Damien? He can save you this time! I know he can! Damien! Damien! Please help them!” I yelled, panic taking over. Trying to wipe their blood off my hands, but it was no use. The more I tried, the more it spread down my arms, my legs.

  My whole body.

  “Amira, it’s time you come with us,” Mami said, getting closer and closer to me. The face morphing back and forth, from her to the monster to Damien’s father once again. I couldn’t tell them apart anymore. “Come to Hell with us. It’s where you belong!”

  “No! No! No!” My body fervently shook with each word that escaped my mouth. “I don’t want to go there! I’m a good person! I hid! I did what Papi told me to do!” I shouted, immediately grabbing onto my neck. My voice made no sound. I was moving my lips and nothing came out.

  I screamed and screamed and screamed.

  I screamed until my throat felt raw and my chest burned. While my heart pounded against my ribs, in my ears, and through my mind.

  “Amira, Amira, Amira, you’re going to Hell with us,” they chanted, getting closer to me.

  “Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please! Please! I don’t want to go there!” I begged even though they couldn’t hear me.

  No one could hear me.

  I tightly closed my eyes, placing my bloody hands over my ears. Hiding my face into my knees.

  I couldn’t breathe.

  “Shhh… Muñeca. I’m here. Shhh… It’s okay, I’m here,” I heard Damien’s voice soothe in a gentle lull.

  The next thing I knew I felt a strong hand start rubbing my back.

  “It’s okay, I’m here. Shh…” I heard him say, repeating all the same words for I don’t know how long.

  I followed the sound of his voice, the movement of his hand, placing gentle strokes up and down my back. Pushing everything else away.

  The darkness.

  My fears.

  “Shhh… Muñeca. Shhh… I’m here. It’s okay, I’m here.”

  Then, all of a sudden, the monsters were gone.

  And there was nothing left but peace.

  When I stirred awake, Damien was on the floor in front of the couch, using one arm to prop his head up on the cushion, and the other was still rubbing my back.

  “It’s been a while since you had a nightmare, Muñeca. In fact, it’s been months,” he stated, purposely staring out the balcony doors as I was before I fell asleep. The full moon dimly lit the living room, casting shadows of darkness on his face. Producing enough light so I could see his tormented expression. The one I always tried so hard to push away.

  “It’s nothing,” I replied, aware he was lost in his thoughts. Only fueling the remorse and shame I knew he was once again reliving.

  “It didn’t sound like nothing.”

  I took a deep breath, inhaling the mixture of his masculine scent and musky cologne that surrounded me. Giving me the confidence I needed to initiate this conversation with him. It resided deep in my pores, consuming my attention as he hovered next to me. Bringing back the same sense of comfort and familiarity that it always provided, alongside his secure presence. His long, wet hair had fallen around his face, framing it perfectly. Accentuating the intensity of his honey-colored eyes, although this time it was solely his regrets that were pouring out of them.

  I took a steady, reassuring breath, whispering, “What happened to my family, to my sister… it wasn’t your fault.”

  He didn’t attempt to move away.

  He didn’t look at me.

  He didn’t even stop rubbing my back.

  It wasn’t until I said, “You were a victim that night as much as I was,” that he suddenly stood up and made his way out the sliding door, onto the balcony.

  The second I stepped over the threshold, standing behind him, he revealed, “You’re a child. I could tell you a fucking fairy tale and you’d believe me. Guilt and fault are foreign feelings to a little girl. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t make me out to be something I’m not. I’m far from a fucking victim. You don’t know me, Amira. If you did, you wouldn’t be here right now.”

  “That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I honestly expressed, cussing at him for the first time. Needing to get my point across.

  He turned around, leaning his back against the railing. Crossing his arms over his fit chest with a stern look on his face.

  “Oh! So that’s what gets a reaction. I need to start swearing more often.”

  “Don’t test me, Amira. Trust me, you won’t like the outcome.”

  I had the sudden desire to mock his uptight words in that moment, just to have him follow through with that threat. Wanting to feel his touch that was home to me. But I decided now wasn’t the time. I shook it off, earning a small grin to escape from his lips. He knew what I was thinking. It persuaded me to continue on.

  “I don’t care what you claim. I know you, Damien. I may not know what you do every day, but who cares. I don’t even know what Mama Rosa does every day. That doesn’t mean I know her any less than I know you. I may be young, but I’m not a child. I’ll be fifteen in less than six months. That probably sounds like a kid to you, but that’s just because you’re old,” I teased, knowing it would get a rise out of him. He was only twenty-three.

  He scoffed out a chuckle.

  “I know the man that you are in here.” I placed my palm over his heart. “The guy you are when you’re with me, and that’s all that’s ever mattered and that’s the reality of our friendship. So please stop pushing me away. I’m not scared of you, Damien. I never have been. I’m definitely not going to start shying away from you now.”

  “Why are you here, Muñeca?” he asked out of nowhere, changing the subject. Removing my hand from his chest. I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt my feelings he was rejecting my touch.

  “I was worried about you.” I shrugged. “You always tell me when you can’t come over to Mama Rosa’s and… I just wanted to make sure nothing had happened to you. That’s all.”

  “So you thought sneaking out and coming to my apartment in the middle of the night. Alone. Would do what, exactly? Bring me happiness?”

  “Well, when you put it that way, no. I don’t really like the way you’re being with me right now, though.”

  “Do you think it makes a difference to me, if you like it or not? I can’t imagine you’d think I’d let this slide.”

  “Is it because I snuck out? Or because I eavesdropped? Or simply because I defended you, revealing to your dad I was still alive?”

  “All of the above, Amira. Do I look like I need your protection? You’re just a little girl.”

  “No! I th

ink you need my love. My concern for you. I mean, somebody has to take care of you too. Mama Rosa has tried, but I’m way younger and capable, so… it’s my turn.” I smiled, stepping toward him until we were standing inches apart, looking up into his face. “In my defense, we’ve never talked about that horrific night, and I’ve spent the last five years trying to forget it. I remember you going off on Rosarío the same night, but so much was being discussed between the two of you that it was hard to keep up. I didn’t realize your father was one of the men…” I hesitated, wanting to choose my words wisely. “I’m just trying to explain to you that I would’ve never barged in like that if I would've known that he was one of them. I’m sorry, Damien. I didn’t mean to ruin everything you’ve sacrificed for me.”

  “The damage is already done. There is no use in apologizing for things that can’t be changed.”

  “Is that why you don’t like to talk about your family or your past? Because of what your father did to my—”

  “It’s late, Amira, you need to go to bed.”

  I frowned, not hiding my disappointment. I thought for once I was getting through to him. He was finally letting me in, only to slam me down once again.

  “Can I sleep in your room with yo—”

  “No.”

  I bowed my head, sighing, “Okay.” But then he touched the end of my nose with his index finger, causing me to look up at him through my lashes.

  “We can sleep on the couches. If you need me, I’ll still be there.”

  I smiled as he nodded toward the living room for us to go inside, and right as I turned to go back in, I changed my mind at the last second. I spun back around, hugging him as tight as I could instead. “Please, don’t be mad at me. You’ve never been mad at me before, and I really don’t like it. I’m really sorry. All I want is for you to be safe. You and Mama Rosa are all I have. I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you too. I love you, Damien. You’re my family.”

  He let out a heavy sigh, wrapping his arm around my torso, kissing the top of my head. I held in the tears that threatened at the surface, listening to his heart beating steadily against my cheek. I couldn’t understand why I was being so overly emotional tonight. Maybe it was because I hated the feeling of disappointing him, knowing so many others had done the same.

  I wanted to be different…

  I needed to be different.

  For him.

  “I know, Muñeca. I know…”

  And I knew in my heart.

  He did.

  “You better not be fucking me over. This is a life or death situation,” I stated over the phone, walking toward the dock.

  “You have my word,” he replied.

  “Your word means shit to me.”

  “My word is all I have. I don’t fuck with women or kids, and I have no desire to start now.”

  “So the devil does have a heart?”

  Completely ignoring my statement, he continued on, “Alvaro will be wearing a white shirt, jeans, a ball cap, and a fucking smile. He will also have a newspaper in his hand. I’ll be in touch.”

  “Wait!” I stressed, knowing he was about to hang up. “I just wanted to say thank you… for everything.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. She’s still not in the clear.” With that, he hung up.

  I placed my cell phone in my back pocket, arriving at Ciudad Mar dock. Searching for the man who he had just described seconds ago. It didn’t take long to spot him on the pier. He was leaning against a tie-up post, actually reading the fucking newspaper.

  “Alvaro, I presume?”

  Peering over the paper, he nodded. Eyeing me up and down, taking in my appearance. “Yeah. I didn’t catch your name?”

  “No shit. I didn’t give it out. You don’t need to know who I am.” I did a quick sweep of the perimeter with my eyes. Checking our surroundings before reaching into my jacket and pulling out an envelope full of hundred-dollar bills. “My money will speak for itself.” I handed it over to him.

  He looked inside, smirking. “Don’t need to count it, right? You look like you’re good for fifteen grand or more.”

  “You can wipe your ass with it for all I care. I just need to know when and where the drop off is?” I resisted the urge to wipe the smug expression off his face.

  “You’re looking at it. Be back here tonight at midnight.”

  I nodded and left. There was no need for pleasantries. He was a means to an end. Besides, it was Amira’s fifteenth birthday, and I was already running behind. I tried not to think about anything on the drive over to Rosarío’s, but that was easier said than done. My mind was fucking spiraling out of control, more so than usual these last six months. The one thing I didn’t want to dwell on was the only thing that wouldn’t go the fuck away.

  “Tell me, how are your law classes going?” Emilio inquired from behind his desk.

  “The same as last week when you asked.”

  “You’ve been in college for quite a few months now. Your grades from the spring semester have you at the top of your class. Not to mention the double course load you’re taking. I’m surprised you can even sleep, let alone fuck.”

  I chuckled, “Priorities, I do what I can.”

  He leaned back into his leather chair, propping his boots up on his desk, getting comfortable. “I always told your father, Rosarío was spoiling you. I can only imagine how much she is now that you’re a full-time student. How is the old bat by the way?”

  His eyes glazed over. It was quick, but I saw it. This wasn’t one of our usual conversations. He was subtly interrogating me. Looking for I don’t know what.

  “She is the same as she’s always been,” I casually retorted, not missing a beat.

  “You know I stopped by the other day, but no one was home.”

  He was so full of shit. Salazar wouldn’t dare walk into Rosarío’s modest home. In fact, he didn’t even know where she resided, now that she no longer lived with my father. Rosarío fucking hated him, avoiding him at all costs. He knew it too. He was reaching, trying to make me slip up.

  “That’s a shame, she would have loved seeing you.” I played along, not giving him a fucking inch. Making sure to keep steady eye contact with the man I used to admire. When people lied, their eyes shifted or they blinked. No civilian would ever notice that.

  Well, except Emilio or myself.

  The horn honking in front of my car brought me back to the present. That was the last time Salazar questioned me about Rosarío, two months ago. Between my father knowing about Amira and Emilio sniffing around, I knew I was making the right choice. Even though it might kill me to have to do it. I made it over to Rosarío’s a few minutes later, cursing myself for being so late. I grabbed the small pink gift bag off the passenger seat and walked right inside, not bothering to knock anymore. The music and laughter grew louder and sharper with every step I took toward the back of the house. Knowing exactly where I’d find Amira.

  In her garden.

  I stepped outside unnoticed, taking a minute to admire the vision in front of me from a distance. I could tell she was wearing one of her long garden dresses, from the rips and stains at the bottom. Her brown hair was cascading all around her face and down to her lower back. It was the first time I noticed how long it was getting. She was spinning around in circles with her arms catching the wind and the sun reflecting off her soft skin. Her eyes were closed and her smile lit up the entire backyard. She looked like a fucking angel, leaving me breathless. I had to lean against the sliding door to gather my bearings. It physically pained me to look at her in that moment, in a way it never had before. I wanted to soak in every last smile, every last laugh, and every last inch of her fucking skin before it was too late.

  I shut my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Needing to reel in the emotions coursing through my veins, or I wouldn’t be able to go through with this. Knowing what I had to do was fucking killing me. I counted to three to stabilize my pounding heart that throbbed mercilessly against my ribs. Having

to count a few more numbers until I finally found the strength from within to open my eyes, only to unexpectedly meet hers. I wasn’t prepared to have her look at me with so much love and devotion that I swear almost brought me to my goddamn knees.

  “Damien, are you alr—”

  I pushed off the slider to walk over to her. Lifting her off the ground and spinning her around in a circle, making her laugh even louder before I placed her back down on the grass. “Happy birthday, Muñeca,” I rasped, pulling her back into a tender hug, needing extra time to hold my life between my arms.

  Her body immediately melted into mine, molding perfectly against my chest. I always knew Amira was tiny compared to me, but for some reason she felt even smaller as I held her so close to my heart. Kissing the top of her head, I let my lips linger a bit longer. Wanting to remember her just this way. I was the first to pull away. Aware that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to let her go.

  Ever.

  “Hey,” I breathed out, touching the end of her nose to gaze into her glossy eyes. “It’s your birthday. No crying.”

  She smiled, nodding. “I know. It’s just… the only time I’ve ever seen that look on your face was the night I met you.”

  I shoved my nails into the palm of my hand as hard as I could, determined to remain the unaffected man she always knew.

  “And then the way you hugged me. It was like you didn’t want to let me go.” The distress in her voice was as evident as the agony in mine. “Is everything alright? Did your father tell—”

  “No.” She was always so fucking perceptive. I had yet to figure out if that was just with me or with everyone. “Amira, I told you since day one. You let me worry about everything. Nothing is going to happen to you. I made sure of it.”

  “What do you—”

  “You win, birthday girl. I’m just a little choked up that you’re fifteen-years-old today, that’s all,” I misled, slightly smiling to detour her afflicting thoughts.

  It was partially true. I couldn’t fucking fathom how fast the years went by. The little girl I saved turned into a young lady, and it was impossible not to be proud of the woman she was becoming.